My latest mix CD is out if anyone is interested. This one is definitely more uptempo and for people who generally love to move to music. Its a mixture of deep house (more soulful than traditional house), nu jazz (more modern percussion than traditional jazz), broken beat (nontraditional percussion patterns), and Afro-beat (African soul meets James Brown funky). The reason I made this mix CD was to promote myself as an artist (www.myspace.com/djmisterwilson), but also to promote some very wonderful music that just has not gotten the exposure that I believe it deserves. I have a lot of faith in my taste in music so I look at this latest CD as a service...after listening to thousands of records, I bring the cream of the crop to the enthusiast who has the taste of a connoisseur, if not quite the time. Finally, its a seamlessly blending sound collage which connects it to hip hop which started the whole deejay phenomenon. Its meant to be consumed as a whole, but here is playlist none the less...
01 Aquarian Moon - Osunlade
02 So Good Today (Yoruba Soul Mix) - Ben Westbeech
03 El Musica - KB
04 Aphrodite - Louie Vega & the EOL Band
05 Circles - Osunlade
06 Gabyrelle - DJ Technic
07 If You Have The Time - Raheem DeVaughn
08 Doober - Bah Samba
09 Tropicalia (Jay’s Bahia Mix) - Blue Six
10 Paper Chase (ft. Vikter Duplaix) - Clara Hill
11 Your Colors (Yoruba Soul Mix) - John Beltran
12 Uptown (Dub) - Aya
13 Fedime’s Flight (Kyoto Jazz Massive Remix) - Jazzanova
14 Take Your Time - Jeremy Ellis
15 Rock Wit U (Osunlade Dub Mix) - Eric Roberson (aka Erro)
16 Mozalounge - Louie Vega
17 Straight Ahead (Kyoto Jazz Massive Remix) - Pleasure
18 Open Your Eyes (Roy Davis Jr. Remix ft. Dwele) - Platinum Pied Pipers
19 Boom Klick Boom Klack - Jazzanova
20 Kissed By The Sun (Buscemi Mix) - John Beltran
21 Oya O (ft. Wunmi) - Raw Artistic Soul
22 Tropical Soundclash - DJ Gregory
23 Sunshine - Beatconductor
24 Mwela Mwela (BITA Remix) - Jazzanova
25 Afro Cuban Sunshine - Nuspirit Helsinki
26 Fica Mal Com Deus (IG Culture Mix) - Fourth World
-misterwilson
Friday, May 25, 2007
Thursday, December 21, 2006
In Loving Memory
I attended my 99 year-old grandfather's funeral yesterday. To be honest there is little sadness in the funeral of a patriarch nearing the age of 100 at death. There is a sense of personal loss and the the finality to get used to, but the closing of the circle of life is inevitable. I can only rejoice in how long we had together. I almost feel guilty over how manageable my grief is. No moments overcome by the rush of memories and the ending of our season together. Except for a few tears shed while meditating on my grandfather in anticipation of saying a few words at the funeral, I hardly have cried. But I cannot say there has been a dearth of emotion. There has been the private joy of nostalgia. There have been the contemplative moments of reflecting on a life well spent, and what that means to my own life. Laughing, smiling and telling little jokes between us, I feel blessed to have my family and thus thankful for the grandfather that helped shape our identity. I can be so critical in my analysis of everything in my life, particularly my clan, that I find myself for the first time in a long time really sitting in a space of gratitude in regards to them.
I knew my grandfather through the narrow experience of being his grandson. He was already retired and nearly a septuagenarian by the time I was born. I never gave very much thought to him in terms of being a man: imperfect, torn by his emotions, striving to find his peace. Forever in search of meaning in my life, I cannot help but ponder the meaning of his life and look at him through a new lens... reflecting on his ways, his struggles, his successes and his failures.
I most certainly remember his indomitable sense of humor: a brilliantly honed defense mechanism that helped a talented, sensitive black child come into manhood in 1920's Texas. I don't know if my grandfather ever uttered more than a serious sentence or two at a time toward me in my entire life. He constantly teased, but his eyes twinkled with the knowledge that with this grandchild, he didn't have to be so serious anyway...that this little fellow was being born to a world that finally might seek to celebrate him for his brilliance rather than lynch him for it. My family communicates almost exclusively through humor, each person having his own slant. Even in sadness or anger, we are rarely humorless. More often than not, a seemingly dead serious remark is a set up for a punchline. We aren't so good at expressing our more difficult feelings, and its in the sometimes merciless ribbing and razor like witty observations that we assert some of our more difficult emotions, but I will take being roasted over physical and emotional abuse any day of the week.
When my grandfather wasn't joking, he could be so sincere in his expression of his pride for me. Almost to the point of being dumbstruck by the depth of his own feelings, his words were feeble compared to the raw voice that betrayed the intensity of his love and pride. He often sounded as if he was being overcome. I was too young to understand his past, to understand how much my mere existence, unfettered by the chains of Jim Crow was a miracle to him. My grandfather reacted to the hostile world not with anger but with humility and faith in his God and his purpose, and God granted him the fortitude to live long enough to see the fruits of his sacrifices. Life in his case, wasn't perpetual tragedy
I remember the way he insisted his sons and grandsons kiss him hello and goodbye no matter how old we were and no matter who might be present to see us. I used to hate to kiss my grandfather, but I will miss giving him that harmless delight and I regret somewhat that I only realized today what a sweet joy it must have been. I guess I was too put off by the idea of kissing a man, but my grandfather knew more about manhood than most. My grandfather defined himself as a man primarily by his ability to take responsibility for his actions and in his service to the weak, the innocent, and those who were in need. He understood that most Southerners did not want to recognize him as a man, so he best be able to recognize himself as a man. I don't know if he ever said this to his sons, but I doubt it. The men in my family have always been too busy being men, to stop and explain what a man is. Maybe we all learned from our grandfather that it is each man's job to decide for himself what a man must do and live up to his own expectations. My grandfather felt no shame or embarrassment in shedding a tear of sadness or joy. He didn't see anything noble in stubbornly remaining stoic and detached from his feelings. He was a sensitive man before it was cool...he was ahead of his time.
As I stood at the pulpit in church, I looked at the crowd of men gathered and knew what a rare experience as a black male I was given. I didn't grow up glad to have one decent black male role model...but in a family where I could not throw a rock without hitting a good black man. I also grew up exposed to the beautiful strong women who stood at these men's sides. I got to see the magnificent twirl of men who loved their wives, and women who loved their husbands. I have seen tenderness on the part of these men, and I have also learned that it is a blessing to have a woman strong enough to allow a man to be vulnerable.
Arriving back in Los Angeles today I return to my life edified. Sometimes my friends in Los Angeles who don't know much of my family remark on how uncommonly decent I can be, but I know how far short I fall of some of the examples that were set for me. I think of my what a gift I had in my grandfather and wonder if I will ever find a way to be that gift to someone else...to be a rock, to be dependable, to be a wise and thankful possessor of talents. I think of my out-sized ego and how much I want to have some measurable and recognizable impact on the world, but my ambitions are tempered by seeing how my grandfather created a legacy, simply by being decent and keeping his faith in God and in himself. It seems that no one was ever worse off for having known my grandfather, and many credit him with having been their safety net, their shelter in the storm.
For as long as I can remember, I have had a chief aim in life: first, do no harm...and hopefully to release more kindness and love into the world than fear and selfishness. Now I realize that this is my grandfather's legacy alive in his son, my father, and alive in me as well. What a precious inheritance.
-mr. wilson's grandson
I knew my grandfather through the narrow experience of being his grandson. He was already retired and nearly a septuagenarian by the time I was born. I never gave very much thought to him in terms of being a man: imperfect, torn by his emotions, striving to find his peace. Forever in search of meaning in my life, I cannot help but ponder the meaning of his life and look at him through a new lens... reflecting on his ways, his struggles, his successes and his failures.
I most certainly remember his indomitable sense of humor: a brilliantly honed defense mechanism that helped a talented, sensitive black child come into manhood in 1920's Texas. I don't know if my grandfather ever uttered more than a serious sentence or two at a time toward me in my entire life. He constantly teased, but his eyes twinkled with the knowledge that with this grandchild, he didn't have to be so serious anyway...that this little fellow was being born to a world that finally might seek to celebrate him for his brilliance rather than lynch him for it. My family communicates almost exclusively through humor, each person having his own slant. Even in sadness or anger, we are rarely humorless. More often than not, a seemingly dead serious remark is a set up for a punchline. We aren't so good at expressing our more difficult feelings, and its in the sometimes merciless ribbing and razor like witty observations that we assert some of our more difficult emotions, but I will take being roasted over physical and emotional abuse any day of the week.
When my grandfather wasn't joking, he could be so sincere in his expression of his pride for me. Almost to the point of being dumbstruck by the depth of his own feelings, his words were feeble compared to the raw voice that betrayed the intensity of his love and pride. He often sounded as if he was being overcome. I was too young to understand his past, to understand how much my mere existence, unfettered by the chains of Jim Crow was a miracle to him. My grandfather reacted to the hostile world not with anger but with humility and faith in his God and his purpose, and God granted him the fortitude to live long enough to see the fruits of his sacrifices. Life in his case, wasn't perpetual tragedy
I remember the way he insisted his sons and grandsons kiss him hello and goodbye no matter how old we were and no matter who might be present to see us. I used to hate to kiss my grandfather, but I will miss giving him that harmless delight and I regret somewhat that I only realized today what a sweet joy it must have been. I guess I was too put off by the idea of kissing a man, but my grandfather knew more about manhood than most. My grandfather defined himself as a man primarily by his ability to take responsibility for his actions and in his service to the weak, the innocent, and those who were in need. He understood that most Southerners did not want to recognize him as a man, so he best be able to recognize himself as a man. I don't know if he ever said this to his sons, but I doubt it. The men in my family have always been too busy being men, to stop and explain what a man is. Maybe we all learned from our grandfather that it is each man's job to decide for himself what a man must do and live up to his own expectations. My grandfather felt no shame or embarrassment in shedding a tear of sadness or joy. He didn't see anything noble in stubbornly remaining stoic and detached from his feelings. He was a sensitive man before it was cool...he was ahead of his time.
As I stood at the pulpit in church, I looked at the crowd of men gathered and knew what a rare experience as a black male I was given. I didn't grow up glad to have one decent black male role model...but in a family where I could not throw a rock without hitting a good black man. I also grew up exposed to the beautiful strong women who stood at these men's sides. I got to see the magnificent twirl of men who loved their wives, and women who loved their husbands. I have seen tenderness on the part of these men, and I have also learned that it is a blessing to have a woman strong enough to allow a man to be vulnerable.
Arriving back in Los Angeles today I return to my life edified. Sometimes my friends in Los Angeles who don't know much of my family remark on how uncommonly decent I can be, but I know how far short I fall of some of the examples that were set for me. I think of my what a gift I had in my grandfather and wonder if I will ever find a way to be that gift to someone else...to be a rock, to be dependable, to be a wise and thankful possessor of talents. I think of my out-sized ego and how much I want to have some measurable and recognizable impact on the world, but my ambitions are tempered by seeing how my grandfather created a legacy, simply by being decent and keeping his faith in God and in himself. It seems that no one was ever worse off for having known my grandfather, and many credit him with having been their safety net, their shelter in the storm.
For as long as I can remember, I have had a chief aim in life: first, do no harm...and hopefully to release more kindness and love into the world than fear and selfishness. Now I realize that this is my grandfather's legacy alive in his son, my father, and alive in me as well. What a precious inheritance.
-mr. wilson's grandson
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
I Did Not Sign Up For This
A reader in the desert wants to know about this article entitled: "Gay or straight: He's still your husband":
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/196/story_19628.html
------------------------
I can get down with what the rabbi is saying. Relationships are about compromises. Her husband's admission to her of his feelings is not the end of the story. It’s the beginning of a discussion in which they find out if they can compromise or not. I will admit that discussion may never happen because some will be too hurt, angry, confused, making accusations about being "wrong" or just generally shocked to even consider accepting the reality and talking about it. I am not saying the woman isn't entitled to be pissed as hell and feel cheated. She doesn’t have to do a damn thing, but everybody doesn’t let go and give up easily.
If she is going to talk it out, it seems like her first question should be "why have you told me this?" Some will see the husband’s admission as unforgivable and the sign of a further desire to “cash-in". But this is playing the slippery slope game of "I know how everybody's sexuality works based on my subjective observations". The mainstream does this all the time by trying to enforce its dualistic "gay/straight" model on the entire population in the first place. Just the fact that this gentleman has decided he exists on the other side of that arbitrary line is not a statement about what he intends to do about it.
Perhaps he does not need to act on these feelings, but only needed to admit they were present. That may seem like a far-fetched idea, but maybe he has matured and has finally decided not to be intimidated by shame and fear of rejection any longer. Maybe he longs to be genuine and sincere in a desire for greater intimacy. For many people true intimacy trumps sexual preference and fantasy. Perhaps the wife does not require his strict fidelity and is willing to consider allowing him to "cash-in" under certain constraints. She might have her own wishes and desires she wants to explore as well. Maybe she would be willing to tolerate his experimentation if she has some leverage in negotiating how he goes about experimenting. Of course the rabbi didn't say anything about that. Or perhaps they won't be able to find a common ground they can both accept...but that can happen to couples no matter if the issue is sexuality, money or whatever.
Is the argument any different if the husband is admitting an attraction to another woman or type of woman? What if the admission is that he has no interest in sex at all and considers himself asexual? Can you remove sexuality from the wife's letter and replace it with any admission? What if he admits he is republican, or atheist, or chronically depressed, or doesn't want kids, etc.? Isn't it ultimately the same type of challenge? Isn’t the only real question “does she want and need him enough to try to understand?”
Two people who want to be in each others lives have to be committed enough to try to represent themselves and their needs. They have to be committed enough to try to be receptive to the other person and that person’s needs as well. We all change and we all discover new things about ourselves, but a person should understand and expect that potential outcome when they commit to a partner. How can we desire the personal freedom to grow and evolve, and seek to put limitations on those we claim to love? To give love is to encourage their growth and believe that the person we love is immutable and will always be there, regardless of what direction life takes them. I think if more of us received that kind of unconditional, reassuring love as children from our parents, then we would have an easier time conceiving of it between a husband and wife.
I know I sound like an idealist. Maybe these attitudes are why I am not married. Or maybe I just like guiltlessly sleeping with random women,and needed to throw y'all off the trail…whatever.
mr. wilson
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/196/story_19628.html
------------------------
I can get down with what the rabbi is saying. Relationships are about compromises. Her husband's admission to her of his feelings is not the end of the story. It’s the beginning of a discussion in which they find out if they can compromise or not. I will admit that discussion may never happen because some will be too hurt, angry, confused, making accusations about being "wrong" or just generally shocked to even consider accepting the reality and talking about it. I am not saying the woman isn't entitled to be pissed as hell and feel cheated. She doesn’t have to do a damn thing, but everybody doesn’t let go and give up easily.
If she is going to talk it out, it seems like her first question should be "why have you told me this?" Some will see the husband’s admission as unforgivable and the sign of a further desire to “cash-in". But this is playing the slippery slope game of "I know how everybody's sexuality works based on my subjective observations". The mainstream does this all the time by trying to enforce its dualistic "gay/straight" model on the entire population in the first place. Just the fact that this gentleman has decided he exists on the other side of that arbitrary line is not a statement about what he intends to do about it.
Perhaps he does not need to act on these feelings, but only needed to admit they were present. That may seem like a far-fetched idea, but maybe he has matured and has finally decided not to be intimidated by shame and fear of rejection any longer. Maybe he longs to be genuine and sincere in a desire for greater intimacy. For many people true intimacy trumps sexual preference and fantasy. Perhaps the wife does not require his strict fidelity and is willing to consider allowing him to "cash-in" under certain constraints. She might have her own wishes and desires she wants to explore as well. Maybe she would be willing to tolerate his experimentation if she has some leverage in negotiating how he goes about experimenting. Of course the rabbi didn't say anything about that. Or perhaps they won't be able to find a common ground they can both accept...but that can happen to couples no matter if the issue is sexuality, money or whatever.
Is the argument any different if the husband is admitting an attraction to another woman or type of woman? What if the admission is that he has no interest in sex at all and considers himself asexual? Can you remove sexuality from the wife's letter and replace it with any admission? What if he admits he is republican, or atheist, or chronically depressed, or doesn't want kids, etc.? Isn't it ultimately the same type of challenge? Isn’t the only real question “does she want and need him enough to try to understand?”
Two people who want to be in each others lives have to be committed enough to try to represent themselves and their needs. They have to be committed enough to try to be receptive to the other person and that person’s needs as well. We all change and we all discover new things about ourselves, but a person should understand and expect that potential outcome when they commit to a partner. How can we desire the personal freedom to grow and evolve, and seek to put limitations on those we claim to love? To give love is to encourage their growth and believe that the person we love is immutable and will always be there, regardless of what direction life takes them. I think if more of us received that kind of unconditional, reassuring love as children from our parents, then we would have an easier time conceiving of it between a husband and wife.
I know I sound like an idealist. Maybe these attitudes are why I am not married. Or maybe I just like guiltlessly sleeping with random women,and needed to throw y'all off the trail…whatever.
mr. wilson
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Chain Of Fools
I have been told on more than one occasion that I have an opinion about everything. To test this theory, I am going to accept one request per week and blog about that topic.
The following request comes from Fairfield, Connecticut and the reader writes:
"[mr. wilson, ] you need to write an eloquent blog called the Tao of Chain E-Mails...
i always get the 'pass on this prayer to 7 people' email from people would don't even write "hi" to me ...ever....it's a strange phenomenon.."
I am sorry, but I have nothing eloquent to say about chain emails. I suppose I could explore the reasons behind the forwarding, but that presumes rationality is at work in the universe of chain emails. Or I could try to empathize with the forwarder by getting inside his experience. But I find this surprisingly hard for me to do, like trying to clap offbeat or thinking of police officers as helpful.
Or maybe I could offer some kind, earthy observation like: "chain emails reveal a child-like optimism about magic, miracles, and magnanimity that lives in us all." That would be a nice thing to say, but I don't feel like being nice today.
I am far too tired today to hug the world and embrace humankind's quirky flaws. So rather than muse, I can only offer my pseudo-objective social commentary, thinly veiling my lonely sadness and contempt for the everyman.
Just for the purpose of this exercise, lets call the sender of the chain email Moe.
What is the first thing that goes through my mind when I get a chain email from Moe?: "Why me? C'mon Moe! Don't you have seven or ten or twenty friends who are equally gullible, superstitious, or stubbornly waiting on that free Microsoft money? They won't weep quietly for the failings of the public school system the way I will? And besides I only count for 3/5ths of a person anyway, so can't you send it to some land-owning white male and get your full karmic credit?"
Maybe I should be happy and take it as a compliment that Moe chose me, but then again I am neurotic enough to find an insult underneath a Christmas tree. I bet if Moe was lucky enough to have the email address of some highly respected and admired individual, (lets say Bill Frist) Moe would not even consider filling the senator's inbox with meaningless drivel? No Moe would closely scrutinize his correspondence with Frist, because Moe respects Bill's time and attention. Moe wants to inspire admiration and respect in the distinguished gentleman from Tennessee, but Moe could give a fuck about me. You see, Moe sends chain e-mails to me in a fit of passive aggressiveness that whispers, "your life is just as dull and uninteresting as mine so here is a little something to do between solitaire and sudokus."
I am not really mad at Moe for forwarding the chain email. I think most people forward the email because of a knee-jerk emotional reaction. Of coure, its always some negative emotion: trepidation ("don't want the good lord to smite me"), guilt ("I will not have the blood of some poor innocent child on my hands") or greed ("I don't want to block the 'blessings'"). Come to think of it, those are all fear in some form or another. But really, what does it hurt if our actions calm our fears and gives us a sense of power and control in an uncertain world? That never leads to any major trouble, right?
mr. wilson
Oh yeah, you can send all chain emails normally reserved for me to Senator Bill Frist by going here.
The following request comes from Fairfield, Connecticut and the reader writes:
"[mr. wilson, ] you need to write an eloquent blog called the Tao of Chain E-Mails...
i always get the 'pass on this prayer to 7 people' email from people would don't even write "hi" to me ...ever....it's a strange phenomenon.."
I am sorry, but I have nothing eloquent to say about chain emails. I suppose I could explore the reasons behind the forwarding, but that presumes rationality is at work in the universe of chain emails. Or I could try to empathize with the forwarder by getting inside his experience. But I find this surprisingly hard for me to do, like trying to clap offbeat or thinking of police officers as helpful.
Or maybe I could offer some kind, earthy observation like: "chain emails reveal a child-like optimism about magic, miracles, and magnanimity that lives in us all." That would be a nice thing to say, but I don't feel like being nice today.
I am far too tired today to hug the world and embrace humankind's quirky flaws. So rather than muse, I can only offer my pseudo-objective social commentary, thinly veiling my lonely sadness and contempt for the everyman.
Just for the purpose of this exercise, lets call the sender of the chain email Moe.
What is the first thing that goes through my mind when I get a chain email from Moe?: "Why me? C'mon Moe! Don't you have seven or ten or twenty friends who are equally gullible, superstitious, or stubbornly waiting on that free Microsoft money? They won't weep quietly for the failings of the public school system the way I will? And besides I only count for 3/5ths of a person anyway, so can't you send it to some land-owning white male and get your full karmic credit?"
Maybe I should be happy and take it as a compliment that Moe chose me, but then again I am neurotic enough to find an insult underneath a Christmas tree. I bet if Moe was lucky enough to have the email address of some highly respected and admired individual, (lets say Bill Frist) Moe would not even consider filling the senator's inbox with meaningless drivel? No Moe would closely scrutinize his correspondence with Frist, because Moe respects Bill's time and attention. Moe wants to inspire admiration and respect in the distinguished gentleman from Tennessee, but Moe could give a fuck about me. You see, Moe sends chain e-mails to me in a fit of passive aggressiveness that whispers, "your life is just as dull and uninteresting as mine so here is a little something to do between solitaire and sudokus."
I am not really mad at Moe for forwarding the chain email. I think most people forward the email because of a knee-jerk emotional reaction. Of coure, its always some negative emotion: trepidation ("don't want the good lord to smite me"), guilt ("I will not have the blood of some poor innocent child on my hands") or greed ("I don't want to block the 'blessings'"). Come to think of it, those are all fear in some form or another. But really, what does it hurt if our actions calm our fears and gives us a sense of power and control in an uncertain world? That never leads to any major trouble, right?
mr. wilson
Oh yeah, you can send all chain emails normally reserved for me to Senator Bill Frist by going here.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Shake Those Dreds...
The following post was stimulated by a blog of a friend (well, a "myspace friend") Angela, in which she contemplated cutting off her locks. She was questioning if men were intimidated by women with locks and vice versa, and dealing with peoples preconceived judgments and expectations for those with locks...my reply was as follows:
--------------------
Hmm...to chop or not to chop...
Any man that is intimidated by a hairstyle isn't really much of a man now is he? I mean if dude gets intimidated by a sisters locks, maybe black women ain't his cup of tea in the first place. Some men are going to be intimidated by a woman's beauty, intelligence, success, or just intimidated by her expectations, but why should she apologize for being valuable and aware of it? She can play down certain attributes and try to amplify others, because of what she thinks the typical man values, but who wants typical? The best wines can only be truly appreciated by a few with well developed palates, but I have seen a lot of Chteau Lafite ladies emulating 2 Buck Chuck* broads who appeal to the vulgar masses. Besides, the further she travels from her genuine self, the more difficult it becomes to maintain the illusion. How long can she stay out there while her real self is ignored and unappreciated?
As for brothers such as myself with dreds, I think women tend to like or dislike locks on a man from a strictly aesthetical point of view: do they agree with him or does he look like a broke-ass Busta Rhymes? I don't think locks on a man could ever really intimidate a woman. I didn't notice a major difference in the way black women responded to me when I locked my hair...they were just as suspecting and cynical as ever. (Just kidding...sort of.) I mean maybe some tended to presume that I was vegan (until they saw me eating the filthy swine) or politically left-leaning (I am undecided on whether Che Guevera is martyr or murderer) or a weed smoker (*cough* drugs are bad..mmmkay) but these are secondary traits that don't say much about my character anyway. I have to prove I am actually worth a woman's time and energy, before she starts assessing whether she is comfortable with herself in relationship to me. By the time her insecurities come to the surface and she can feel intimidated, she is fairly comfortable blaming me for whatever she is experiencing anyway. Women...
But I am not bitter.
Lets see…where was I? Oh yeah, dred locks
As for the preconceived notions you spoke of...I say fuck it. I think people are going to have preconceived notions about you no matter what you do. There is much worse that people can presume about you than characterstics like self-aware, conscientious, and maybe a little elitist. People could presume you were a violent, hyper-sexual nihilist as they inject their fears about their own unchecked will to power into your presumably large genitalia, all the while trying to appropriate your presumed cool and swagger and buying 90% of the schlock masquerading as hip hop that you produce. That would kind of suck.
So...
I try to use the dred stereotypes to my advantage. I have always wanted people to be titillated enough to spend a little time getting to know me as an individual, so my only rule has always been not to send one cohesive message. If I exuded the archetypical black bohemian (you know dreds, sandals, spoken word poems about his nubian queen, broke, trifling) that would most likely be a mark of anything BUT an individual, in my case anyway. It says "I don't know who I am nor do I trust that you will accept me, so I am going to put on this pre-fabricated identity, if you are equally confused maybe you will be impressed."
Priests, policeman, and politicians alike, they all put on one uniform or another to gain our trust, but we all know better. Very few people fit perfectly into a mold and its always the people who walk their own path who leave an impression on us anyway. That is why I am just as likely to quote Jay-Z as Ghandi, why I don’t see anything wrong with Hennessey and soy milk, and why my Nag Champa is right next to the Camel Lights and scat porn. Okay, I don’t really have scat porn, but if I did I hope I wouldn't keep that shit** hidden away just because its not consistent with having dreds.
mr. wilson
*I am not hating on Charles Shaw. There is a time an a place for inexpensive and readily available goods, literally and figuratively...
**If you got my pun in the last sentence, thank you for being perceptive you little pervert.
--------------------
Hmm...to chop or not to chop...
Any man that is intimidated by a hairstyle isn't really much of a man now is he? I mean if dude gets intimidated by a sisters locks, maybe black women ain't his cup of tea in the first place. Some men are going to be intimidated by a woman's beauty, intelligence, success, or just intimidated by her expectations, but why should she apologize for being valuable and aware of it? She can play down certain attributes and try to amplify others, because of what she thinks the typical man values, but who wants typical? The best wines can only be truly appreciated by a few with well developed palates, but I have seen a lot of Chteau Lafite ladies emulating 2 Buck Chuck* broads who appeal to the vulgar masses. Besides, the further she travels from her genuine self, the more difficult it becomes to maintain the illusion. How long can she stay out there while her real self is ignored and unappreciated?
As for brothers such as myself with dreds, I think women tend to like or dislike locks on a man from a strictly aesthetical point of view: do they agree with him or does he look like a broke-ass Busta Rhymes? I don't think locks on a man could ever really intimidate a woman. I didn't notice a major difference in the way black women responded to me when I locked my hair...they were just as suspecting and cynical as ever. (Just kidding...sort of.) I mean maybe some tended to presume that I was vegan (until they saw me eating the filthy swine) or politically left-leaning (I am undecided on whether Che Guevera is martyr or murderer) or a weed smoker (*cough* drugs are bad..mmmkay) but these are secondary traits that don't say much about my character anyway. I have to prove I am actually worth a woman's time and energy, before she starts assessing whether she is comfortable with herself in relationship to me. By the time her insecurities come to the surface and she can feel intimidated, she is fairly comfortable blaming me for whatever she is experiencing anyway. Women...
But I am not bitter.
Lets see…where was I? Oh yeah, dred locks
As for the preconceived notions you spoke of...I say fuck it. I think people are going to have preconceived notions about you no matter what you do. There is much worse that people can presume about you than characterstics like self-aware, conscientious, and maybe a little elitist. People could presume you were a violent, hyper-sexual nihilist as they inject their fears about their own unchecked will to power into your presumably large genitalia, all the while trying to appropriate your presumed cool and swagger and buying 90% of the schlock masquerading as hip hop that you produce. That would kind of suck.
So...
I try to use the dred stereotypes to my advantage. I have always wanted people to be titillated enough to spend a little time getting to know me as an individual, so my only rule has always been not to send one cohesive message. If I exuded the archetypical black bohemian (you know dreds, sandals, spoken word poems about his nubian queen, broke, trifling) that would most likely be a mark of anything BUT an individual, in my case anyway. It says "I don't know who I am nor do I trust that you will accept me, so I am going to put on this pre-fabricated identity, if you are equally confused maybe you will be impressed."
Priests, policeman, and politicians alike, they all put on one uniform or another to gain our trust, but we all know better. Very few people fit perfectly into a mold and its always the people who walk their own path who leave an impression on us anyway. That is why I am just as likely to quote Jay-Z as Ghandi, why I don’t see anything wrong with Hennessey and soy milk, and why my Nag Champa is right next to the Camel Lights and scat porn. Okay, I don’t really have scat porn, but if I did I hope I wouldn't keep that shit** hidden away just because its not consistent with having dreds.
mr. wilson
*I am not hating on Charles Shaw. There is a time an a place for inexpensive and readily available goods, literally and figuratively...
**If you got my pun in the last sentence, thank you for being perceptive you little pervert.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
My Mixtape Is Better Than Yours, I Can Teach You...
First all, if you don't have a copy of my latest mix CD, Intrigued Mostly By the Drum, I have a few left so hit me up if you want a copy.
So I have had a few people ask me for more information about some of the songs and the artists on my CD so here is a breakdown.
1) The Roots, ft. Musiq - Break You Off (Yam Who Remix): As far I know, this version of the song is not available for sale anywhere, and is only available as a white label. You can find the original version on the Roots' Phrenology album. If you look hard enough on the internet, you may find a demo version of this song with D'Angelo singing the hook instead of Musiq, or at least there are some cats who claim to have it.
2) Blue 6 - Love Yourself : This song is one of the more soulful selections from the album Beautiful Tomorrow on the Naked Music Label. Naked Music is one of the best indie labels out there right now. I think they are only eclipsed by Ubiquity (see John Beltran below) and Stone's Throw. There are some remixes to this song out there too.
3) Aya - Looking for the Sun: Available on the album Strange Flower, its not even the best song on the album. If you like this track, you will probably enjoy the entire CD.
4) Da Lata - Pra Manha: This song is like seven years old, but Brazillian music takes a while to make it all the way to the states. You can find this track on the album, Songs From the Tin. Da Lata has a couple other newer albums as well.
5) Louie Vega, ft. Blaze - Elements of Life: From the album, Elements of Life, a fairly consistent offering from Louie Vega. Also check for the Elements of Life - Extensions album.
6) Sade - Stronger Than Pride (Detroit Mix): I think this might be available on an Japanese import, but you will probably have to pay a grip.
7) John Beltran - Kissed by the Sun: Taken from the superb In Full Color album. Also there are some remixes of the song available on wax directly from the his label Ubiquity.
8) Madrid de Los Austias - Los Canos Se Meca: This song has a more Bossa feel than the majority of the Spanish influenced album, Amor, that it is taken from.
9) Mondo Grosso, ft. Amel Larrieux - Now You Know Better (ananda project remix): I took the acapella intro off of this song so that it would blend with the CD a little better. You can find this track on the MG4 album. The original of this track is pretty cool tool. Can you find lyrics that aren't more uplifting?
10) Gaelle - Falling: From the album, Transient.
11) 4hero - Naima: Classic jazz standard to sound just right for right now. I think this cut shows up on a few albums. One of them is the 4hero's The Remix Album, Vol. 1.
12) Damu, ft. Valerie Etienne - Sail Away With Me: White label out of Germany I think
13) Red Astaire - Follow Me: This is really a white label remix of D'Angelo's Back and Forth. Red Astaire is known for remixing songs and restructing the vocals to make a whole new chorus/hook out of a song. Sometimes he establishes a whole knew theme, as he does here taking D's voyeruestic ode to the stripper and kind of making it more about being under the spell of a woman.
So I have had a few people ask me for more information about some of the songs and the artists on my CD so here is a breakdown.
1) The Roots, ft. Musiq - Break You Off (Yam Who Remix): As far I know, this version of the song is not available for sale anywhere, and is only available as a white label. You can find the original version on the Roots' Phrenology album. If you look hard enough on the internet, you may find a demo version of this song with D'Angelo singing the hook instead of Musiq, or at least there are some cats who claim to have it.
2) Blue 6 - Love Yourself : This song is one of the more soulful selections from the album Beautiful Tomorrow on the Naked Music Label. Naked Music is one of the best indie labels out there right now. I think they are only eclipsed by Ubiquity (see John Beltran below) and Stone's Throw. There are some remixes to this song out there too.
3) Aya - Looking for the Sun: Available on the album Strange Flower, its not even the best song on the album. If you like this track, you will probably enjoy the entire CD.
4) Da Lata - Pra Manha: This song is like seven years old, but Brazillian music takes a while to make it all the way to the states. You can find this track on the album, Songs From the Tin. Da Lata has a couple other newer albums as well.
5) Louie Vega, ft. Blaze - Elements of Life: From the album, Elements of Life, a fairly consistent offering from Louie Vega. Also check for the Elements of Life - Extensions album.
6) Sade - Stronger Than Pride (Detroit Mix): I think this might be available on an Japanese import, but you will probably have to pay a grip.
7) John Beltran - Kissed by the Sun: Taken from the superb In Full Color album. Also there are some remixes of the song available on wax directly from the his label Ubiquity.
8) Madrid de Los Austias - Los Canos Se Meca: This song has a more Bossa feel than the majority of the Spanish influenced album, Amor, that it is taken from.
9) Mondo Grosso, ft. Amel Larrieux - Now You Know Better (ananda project remix): I took the acapella intro off of this song so that it would blend with the CD a little better. You can find this track on the MG4 album. The original of this track is pretty cool tool. Can you find lyrics that aren't more uplifting?
10) Gaelle - Falling: From the album, Transient.
11) 4hero - Naima: Classic jazz standard to sound just right for right now. I think this cut shows up on a few albums. One of them is the 4hero's The Remix Album, Vol. 1.
12) Damu, ft. Valerie Etienne - Sail Away With Me: White label out of Germany I think
13) Red Astaire - Follow Me: This is really a white label remix of D'Angelo's Back and Forth. Red Astaire is known for remixing songs and restructing the vocals to make a whole new chorus/hook out of a song. Sometimes he establishes a whole knew theme, as he does here taking D's voyeruestic ode to the stripper and kind of making it more about being under the spell of a woman.
The Iceman Cometh
I am sorry to my family and friends and most of all, the significant others who have had to suffer on the account of my addiction. I have been selfish and mostly unrepentant. In spite of all the warnings that there are some things good little southern black boys just don't do...I can't help myself. I just cannot seem to stop playing in the snow...
Literally.
That time of year has come. There is a chill in the air and mother nature is brewing her first major storm of the year that is just making land-fall in the Sierra Nevadas as I type this. This weekend, I will return once again to Mammoth Lakes, California...my home away from home. I am a knuckle-dragger, a one planker, a shredder...I am a snowboarder.
I plan to narrate my experiences on the mountain this year on a separate blog. Years ago when I first started snowboarding, my best friend and I toyed around with the idea of writing a book about snowboarding, and how it was a metaphor for living. Every year, I wonder why I haven't even attempted to write the first sentence to that book. Well, I don't want to keep wondering anymore, so Steep & Deep* is being born today. Feel free to check it out throughout the season.
mr. wilson
*editors note: obviously this is a failed experiment as of Jan. 12. 2006. I just haven't had the time and the energy to contribute much to either blog this winter.
Literally.
That time of year has come. There is a chill in the air and mother nature is brewing her first major storm of the year that is just making land-fall in the Sierra Nevadas as I type this. This weekend, I will return once again to Mammoth Lakes, California...my home away from home. I am a knuckle-dragger, a one planker, a shredder...I am a snowboarder.
I plan to narrate my experiences on the mountain this year on a separate blog. Years ago when I first started snowboarding, my best friend and I toyed around with the idea of writing a book about snowboarding, and how it was a metaphor for living. Every year, I wonder why I haven't even attempted to write the first sentence to that book. Well, I don't want to keep wondering anymore, so Steep & Deep* is being born today. Feel free to check it out throughout the season.
mr. wilson
*editors note: obviously this is a failed experiment as of Jan. 12. 2006. I just haven't had the time and the energy to contribute much to either blog this winter.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Further Philosophy
I found myself in a philosophical frame of mind again this past Friday when I wrote this, so for those of you who don’t care for my “meaning of life musings”, you have been warned.
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Are you familiar with synchronicity? Not the classic album by The Police, but Carl Jung’s theory that the collective consciousness weaves the interactions of our discrete psyche’s in a way that thing that appear to have no causal relationship happen in a strangely coincidental way? I think many of us at least superstitiously believe in synchronicity to a certain degree. The act of gambling with knowledge that the house has the advantage is a nod to synchronicity. I remember once running into a woman at a bookstore (where she was reading a book about synchronicity) and then encountering the same woman at a restaurant that was about three miles away later that day. I remember thinking that maybe she was someone I was supposed to meet for some grand purpose in her life or my own, but of course I could have been just rationalizing because she was fairly attractive. She actually left her purse behind in the restaurant and I was able to catch up with her as she was exiting the parking lot and give it to her…we chatted for a moment and I gave her my card, but she never called. I think the fact that I still think about that encounter with the beautiful woman with an interest in Jungian psychology ever once in a while is evidence enough that I believe in synchronicity (or I am a pathetically sentimental romantic).
So why this talk of coincidences? Well, in the last two days something peculiar happened. I have had a coincidence of ideas presented to me that are highly correlated to last week’s post, and they have come in strange ways. Yesterday, one of my co-workers was telling me about this movie/book “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”. There is a scene in the movie where the protagonists are being pursued (in their spaceship I suppose) by two nuclear missiles when they hit the Improbability Drive (an “emergency” feature of the ship that causes something improbable to happen). Well the improbable does happen, and one of the missiles instantly transforms into a sperm whale careening through the atmosphere of a planet and the other missile transforms into a potted plant. The viewer is allowed to hear the thoughts of the sperm whale now careening toward the planet who’s gravity it is caught in:
“Ah....! What's happening? it thought.
Er, excuse me, who am I?
Hello?
Why am I here? What's my purpose in life?
What do I mean by who am I?
Calm down, get a grip now...oh! this is an interesting sensation, what is it? It's a sort of....yawning, tingling sensation in my.....my....well I suppose I'd better start finding names for things if I want to make any headway in what for the sake I shall call an argument I shall call the world, so let's call it my stomach.
Good. Ooooh, it's getting quite strong. And hey, what about this whistling roaring sound going past what I am suddenly going to call my head? Perhaps can call that.....the wind! Is that a good name? It'll do....perhaps I can find a better name for it later when I've found out what's it for. It must be something very important because there certainly seems to be a hell of a lot of it. Hey! What' this thing? This....let's call it a tail-yeah, tail. Hey! I can really thrash it about pretty good, can't I? Wow! Wow! That feels great! Doesn't seem to achieve very much but I'll probably find out what's it for later on. Now, have I built up any coherent picture of things yet?
No.
Never mind, hey, this is really exciting, so much to find out about, so much to look forward to, I'm quite dizzy with anticipation....
Or is it the wind?
There really is a lot of that now, isn't there?
And wow! Hey! What's this thing suddenly coming toward me very fast? Very, very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big widesounding name like....ow.....ound....round......ground! That's it! That's a good name-ground!
I wonder if it will be friends with me?
And the rest, after a sudden wet thud, was silence."
A curious scene, no?
Today, I was reading a book, “I Am Charlotte Simmons”, the newest Tom Wolfe novel which is about modern college life. Interestingly enough, there is a professor in the book who is not a main character (at least not yet up to where I have read in the narrative) who presents the following hypothetical situation:
“Let’s say you pick up a rock and you throw it. And in mid-flight you give that rock consciousness and a rational mind. That little rock will think it has free will and will give you a highly rational account of why it had decided to take the route it’s taking…am I really…merely…a conscious little rock”
A curious notion, no?
Well these two “spins” on the same idea forced me to look back at what I put forth last week about the evolution of consciousness. Am I no different than the sperm whale (albeit with more time and the ability to see other sperm whale’s falling in their trajectory with a strong idea of how it will eventually end)? Am I just a rock coming to life mid-flight, and thus developing the best theory that I can for why I am going the way that I am going but none the less on a deterministic journey?
Before I answer, let’s get back to synchronicity. Do I find it odd that these concepts that are quite novel to me were introduced to me in the span of less than a week after I put forth my entry on consciousness being somewhat of an algorithm with a very deterministic element to it? Is it coincidence or some manifestation of the intent of the universe to impress something upon my consciousness? I don’t think it matters. I think the complex world around me is constantly revealing its mysteries, but these revelations are so overwhelming that I probably ignore most of what I am exposed to. I once heard it said that all of the mystery of the universe is written in a single grain of sand, if we care to observe it. But I am after all flesh and blood, and much of my mental energy is going to be spent on things such meeting needs whether they be physical or emotional, so I guess I miss out on quite a bit. But I think sometimes my mind comes to these lulls where I am allowed a deeper vision or insight into my experience. It seems that the consciousness of the universe allowed me to pick up a little of its mystery last week and it continues to impress on my whenever I care to take notice. I can only wonder about the billion or so mysteries that sailed right past me last week, without me caring to notice. I am reminded of a line from Alice Walker’s novel, “The Color Purple,” where Shug Avery states, “I think it pisses God off if you walk past the color purple in a field somewhere and don’t notice it.” I don’t know about pissing God off, but my experience has always shown that the more you care to notice the beauty of the universe, the more beauty it seems to want to reveal. It really doesn’t matter where you look either, it really is everywhere, even in our own hearts.
So back to the question at hand…am I a conscious little rock? Well in the last entry I talked about the possibility that free will could spring from entropy if the consciousness imbedded in the universe simply set the parameters of the universe such that free will would develop inevitably. How free is free will, if it was destined to develop as a result of the human condition? It seems to me that the key to understanding free will is that it is relative. There are some things in life that are inevitable in terms of our own immediate desires. Just like the rock is being hurled through space and is not instantly aware of how to take control over its final destination, there are aspects of the human experience that appear beyond my control: when I was born and who I was born to, having human emotions, early behavioral adaptations to my environment, and the extreme likelihood that I will die one day. With that said, there are so many things that we do have perceived control over. So even if I am a rock hurtling through space, I have what Viktor Frankl refers to in “Man’s Search For Meaning” as the last of all freedoms: the freedom to choose how I feel about my experience, the freedom to develop my free will. With that said, I see one of my greatest responsibilities with being given life, the development of my ability to expand this freedom of mind and thought pushing the limits, but accepting what I have not yet learned to change or control. We have the benefit of seeing the rock with “god’s eye”, but in my own case I see no point in assuming there are any limitations on what my consciousness is capable off. In other words, free will is only limited to what the rock can never develop an ability to affect through consciousness, and it is arguable if the rock can ever come to a finite awareness of something that appears so unlimited as its own potentiality. I am not wise enough to say what the limit of that consciousness is in my own case, nor in the case of the rock.
mr. wilson
------------------------------------------------------------
Are you familiar with synchronicity? Not the classic album by The Police, but Carl Jung’s theory that the collective consciousness weaves the interactions of our discrete psyche’s in a way that thing that appear to have no causal relationship happen in a strangely coincidental way? I think many of us at least superstitiously believe in synchronicity to a certain degree. The act of gambling with knowledge that the house has the advantage is a nod to synchronicity. I remember once running into a woman at a bookstore (where she was reading a book about synchronicity) and then encountering the same woman at a restaurant that was about three miles away later that day. I remember thinking that maybe she was someone I was supposed to meet for some grand purpose in her life or my own, but of course I could have been just rationalizing because she was fairly attractive. She actually left her purse behind in the restaurant and I was able to catch up with her as she was exiting the parking lot and give it to her…we chatted for a moment and I gave her my card, but she never called. I think the fact that I still think about that encounter with the beautiful woman with an interest in Jungian psychology ever once in a while is evidence enough that I believe in synchronicity (or I am a pathetically sentimental romantic).
So why this talk of coincidences? Well, in the last two days something peculiar happened. I have had a coincidence of ideas presented to me that are highly correlated to last week’s post, and they have come in strange ways. Yesterday, one of my co-workers was telling me about this movie/book “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”. There is a scene in the movie where the protagonists are being pursued (in their spaceship I suppose) by two nuclear missiles when they hit the Improbability Drive (an “emergency” feature of the ship that causes something improbable to happen). Well the improbable does happen, and one of the missiles instantly transforms into a sperm whale careening through the atmosphere of a planet and the other missile transforms into a potted plant. The viewer is allowed to hear the thoughts of the sperm whale now careening toward the planet who’s gravity it is caught in:
“Ah....! What's happening? it thought.
Er, excuse me, who am I?
Hello?
Why am I here? What's my purpose in life?
What do I mean by who am I?
Calm down, get a grip now...oh! this is an interesting sensation, what is it? It's a sort of....yawning, tingling sensation in my.....my....well I suppose I'd better start finding names for things if I want to make any headway in what for the sake I shall call an argument I shall call the world, so let's call it my stomach.
Good. Ooooh, it's getting quite strong. And hey, what about this whistling roaring sound going past what I am suddenly going to call my head? Perhaps can call that.....the wind! Is that a good name? It'll do....perhaps I can find a better name for it later when I've found out what's it for. It must be something very important because there certainly seems to be a hell of a lot of it. Hey! What' this thing? This....let's call it a tail-yeah, tail. Hey! I can really thrash it about pretty good, can't I? Wow! Wow! That feels great! Doesn't seem to achieve very much but I'll probably find out what's it for later on. Now, have I built up any coherent picture of things yet?
No.
Never mind, hey, this is really exciting, so much to find out about, so much to look forward to, I'm quite dizzy with anticipation....
Or is it the wind?
There really is a lot of that now, isn't there?
And wow! Hey! What's this thing suddenly coming toward me very fast? Very, very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big widesounding name like....ow.....ound....round......ground! That's it! That's a good name-ground!
I wonder if it will be friends with me?
And the rest, after a sudden wet thud, was silence."
A curious scene, no?
Today, I was reading a book, “I Am Charlotte Simmons”, the newest Tom Wolfe novel which is about modern college life. Interestingly enough, there is a professor in the book who is not a main character (at least not yet up to where I have read in the narrative) who presents the following hypothetical situation:
“Let’s say you pick up a rock and you throw it. And in mid-flight you give that rock consciousness and a rational mind. That little rock will think it has free will and will give you a highly rational account of why it had decided to take the route it’s taking…am I really…merely…a conscious little rock”
A curious notion, no?
Well these two “spins” on the same idea forced me to look back at what I put forth last week about the evolution of consciousness. Am I no different than the sperm whale (albeit with more time and the ability to see other sperm whale’s falling in their trajectory with a strong idea of how it will eventually end)? Am I just a rock coming to life mid-flight, and thus developing the best theory that I can for why I am going the way that I am going but none the less on a deterministic journey?
Before I answer, let’s get back to synchronicity. Do I find it odd that these concepts that are quite novel to me were introduced to me in the span of less than a week after I put forth my entry on consciousness being somewhat of an algorithm with a very deterministic element to it? Is it coincidence or some manifestation of the intent of the universe to impress something upon my consciousness? I don’t think it matters. I think the complex world around me is constantly revealing its mysteries, but these revelations are so overwhelming that I probably ignore most of what I am exposed to. I once heard it said that all of the mystery of the universe is written in a single grain of sand, if we care to observe it. But I am after all flesh and blood, and much of my mental energy is going to be spent on things such meeting needs whether they be physical or emotional, so I guess I miss out on quite a bit. But I think sometimes my mind comes to these lulls where I am allowed a deeper vision or insight into my experience. It seems that the consciousness of the universe allowed me to pick up a little of its mystery last week and it continues to impress on my whenever I care to take notice. I can only wonder about the billion or so mysteries that sailed right past me last week, without me caring to notice. I am reminded of a line from Alice Walker’s novel, “The Color Purple,” where Shug Avery states, “I think it pisses God off if you walk past the color purple in a field somewhere and don’t notice it.” I don’t know about pissing God off, but my experience has always shown that the more you care to notice the beauty of the universe, the more beauty it seems to want to reveal. It really doesn’t matter where you look either, it really is everywhere, even in our own hearts.
So back to the question at hand…am I a conscious little rock? Well in the last entry I talked about the possibility that free will could spring from entropy if the consciousness imbedded in the universe simply set the parameters of the universe such that free will would develop inevitably. How free is free will, if it was destined to develop as a result of the human condition? It seems to me that the key to understanding free will is that it is relative. There are some things in life that are inevitable in terms of our own immediate desires. Just like the rock is being hurled through space and is not instantly aware of how to take control over its final destination, there are aspects of the human experience that appear beyond my control: when I was born and who I was born to, having human emotions, early behavioral adaptations to my environment, and the extreme likelihood that I will die one day. With that said, there are so many things that we do have perceived control over. So even if I am a rock hurtling through space, I have what Viktor Frankl refers to in “Man’s Search For Meaning” as the last of all freedoms: the freedom to choose how I feel about my experience, the freedom to develop my free will. With that said, I see one of my greatest responsibilities with being given life, the development of my ability to expand this freedom of mind and thought pushing the limits, but accepting what I have not yet learned to change or control. We have the benefit of seeing the rock with “god’s eye”, but in my own case I see no point in assuming there are any limitations on what my consciousness is capable off. In other words, free will is only limited to what the rock can never develop an ability to affect through consciousness, and it is arguable if the rock can ever come to a finite awareness of something that appears so unlimited as its own potentiality. I am not wise enough to say what the limit of that consciousness is in my own case, nor in the case of the rock.
mr. wilson
Friday, October 28, 2005
Friday Philosphy
Disclaimer: This is a long one, even for me. I am not sure it will even make sense to anyone who has the obstinance to try to make it through the whole thing. Oh well, I can only get better at writing this kind of stuff, so I had to start somewhere.
Also, for some of you reading this, it may be a more palatable entry if you replace the word “universe” with “God” whenever you encounter it throughout the rest of the entry.
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It’s a typical Southern California day outside today. Blue skies, warm but not uncomfortably warm. I was sitting in my car after lunch preparing myself mentally to return to the office, and I started staring at these two palm trees against the pale blue beach sky. I started to think about how those trees just looked like an old content couple happy to have grown alongside each other, happy to have existed, resigned to the fact that they were only playing their role in a larger scheme. I guess I had my mini Bodhi Tree moment although The Buddha probably wasn’t sitting in a Subaru at the moment of his enlightenment. I will attempt to share my thoughts, although it is always difficult to communicate a moment of transcendence:
I found myself staring at those trees and thinking about how intelligent the universe must be at a sub-atomic level. The universe knew 14 billion years ago to release all of this energy and matter and left a consciousness vibrating throughout everything. I thought about how the universe set a few parameters for itself (physical and metaphysical laws that we may or may not understand) and began organizing itself, based on the conscious intentions that it had infused into everything that was present after the “big bang”. Sub atomic particles came together to form matter and the matter clustered just perfectly to create the solar system and planet Earth. Did Earth form because it is just one of the billions of permutations that were possible as a result of the cataclysmic birth of a universe? Maybe, if you want to leave things up to mathematical probability…but even given that theory, the consciousness of the universe must have understood its own potential for spawning a planet (or millions of planets) capable of sustaining more organized systems of discrete consciousness, i.e. capable of sustaining life. Whether the Earth is the singular intention of the universe or one of billions of statistical inevitabilities doesn’t really matter. I believe what matters most is that the intelligence and consciousness had a desire and that desire has been manifesting for as long as the desire has been present.
Then I began to think of myself. I am a human being, but what is that? Although I am not the universe, I am of the universe and every single conscious thought or notion has implications on a universal level. I have within myself the power to send out energy that touches every corner of the universe. As a matter of fact, thinking of the universe in terms of a three dimensional space is merely a human concept, a product of my experience-limited awareness and consciousness. Now by experience-limited, I don’t mean there is a boundary of awareness that I cannot cross. What would be the point of drawing an arbitrary line in the sand and telling myself I cannot cross it? I simply mean if the universe contains all there is…there is really no describing it relative to something else. But we tend to try to simplify all abstractions with limiting terms whether it be math, love, or the universe.
I continued to think to myself while watching those trees. Are those two palm trees self aware in the way that I am? I assume that those palm trees are one of countless manifestations of the intention of all the released energy and matter reacting over the last 14 billion years. Those trees are perfect products of the energy and matter that created them, just as I am a perfect product of the energy and matter that created me. Was it the chemical nature of sexuality in my parents, their love, their lust, their desire to affirm the goodness of life by perpetuating it, their reactions to the psychic pressure of wanting to do what was expected and/or normal in their estimation? Perhaps it was all those things coming together and more that resulted in me, a perfect emanation of the consciousness of the universe after 14 billion years of experience (apparently on a two for one deal…twins are evidence that the universe is a bargain shopper).
Here is where it gets interesting (thanks for reading this far if you are still here). Every single feeling I have is a result of that 14 billion years of organization and experience, a perfectly produced and finely honed aspect of consciousness. My desire for love and comfort is a perfect manifestation of consciousness. My fears are perfect products too. Shame, guilt, rage…they may seem like pointless destructive emotions but in the same way that humankind harnesses the destructive power of combustion to create energy, these “destructive” emotions have creative potential too. But it is important to realize that no matter what the emotion, it is a carefully measured reaction of consciousness. Emotion is probably the most powerful form of consciousness there is, for it trumps pure rationality every time How amazing that with six billion people on the planet, that nearly all of us have the same basic psychic structures that allow us to experience love, grief, and a whole gamut of other emotions. Their universality is a testament to how perfect our natural emotions and feelings truly are. Our entire emotional world is a perfect reaction to the environment and our own perfect programming, much the same way that those palm tress have a perfect reaction to rich soil, wind, rain, and sunshine. A tree losing its leaves due to strong winds is natural. A child bawling its eyes out over something an adult might consider unimportant is just as natural. An adult’s emotional reactions are still just as natural and perfect. Of course along the way to adulthood, our environment (that is also infused with consciousness) will shape how we process feelings, but our feelings will never stop being genuine messages of consciousness, a sincere and unambiguous language of the soul.
But it is not just my feelings that are a perfect product of the last 14 billion years. My thoughts and choices are perfect products too. No, I am not saying that every thought and idea that I have is ideal for the betterment of society, but my mind is a natural aspect of me being a human, just as the roots are a natural aspect of those two palms being trees. If the roots expose the trees to a toxic substance in the dirt below, the trees will be poorly affected, but the roots are doing what they are meant to do. It would be pointless for the rest of the tree to resent the roots. In that sense any thought my mind produces at any moment is a product of what the universal consciousness (working inside of me and outside of me) has infused me with up to that point. My mind is doing its job no matter what thought it conjures or what choice it makes. The branches and leaves of the tree are organized to choose to grow toward the light, but the tree cannot grow in complete darkness. My mind is the same way. It will produce the best thoughts and choices given what it has access to. My mind and my thoughts are doing nothing but manifesting the desire and will of the consciousness that exists in the trillions of sub-atomic consciousness packets all uniquely organized within me.
The fact that I have a conscience, and a sense of morality is a product of my perfect thoughts and the perfect thoughts of those who helped teach me. My choices that have tested my conscientiousness and morality have also been perfect. The repercussions such as guilt, shame or lack thereof I have experienced as a result of those actions has been the perfect feedback that has shaped future decisions. I have been born into a society that has laws with discrete repercussions to be carried forth if I am found guilty of violating these laws. These laws function to influence my perfect thinking, but more importantly they work to influence the perfect thinking of those who may not have been infused with the same conscience and morality. Those who fear the results of other’s decision are having a perfect emotional reaction, but what other choice do we have but to respect the legitimacy of other’s conclusions. We can throw people in jail, but we can never have the authority to damn someone to hell, except maybe ourselves. I guess I could judge a law breaker as good or bad and speculate about what is wrong, but I would have to have some kind of personal knowledge about being consciously amoral to identify the wrongness wouldn’t I? How could I conceive of an evil in someone else greater than the evil I can conceive of in my own heart? If I consider myself basically good, but I have acted selfishly under certain conditions, why am I any different from anyone else? I mean if we aren’t all inherently perfect, than we are all inherently imperfect, which basically still means we are in no position to decide one kind of imperfection is worse than another. I just find it hard to be believe in my own inherent perfection without assuming that everyone else has the same thing.
Although I will never know what goes on inside of others, I have a fairly strong feeling that every human being is feeling and thinking for themselves, that we are all naturally programmed to make choices based on an ultra-complex algorithm that seeks optimum results for the individual given their desires, experiences, and inborn inclinations. (Only a sociopath would have desires, experiences and inclinations that drive his algorithm to make choices that completely disregard other human beings.) All of our choices are just products of this algorithm which varies from person to person. Of course, I assume that most of us arrive at a point where we realize that we can expose ourselves to certain things that will shift the output of our own algorithm, but we only arrive at this point by virtue of indwelling intelligence and instinct. We are not born with any sense of responsibility for what we expose ourselves to. Somehow we are infused with enough organization of consciousness (and blessed by a particular environment and set of circumstances that are a result of that same kind of organization of consciousness) that we succeed in coming to the awareness that we might all be algorithms. By the time we realize that we are algorithms, our algorithms are very sophisticated, and we also realize that we are quite inexperienced at programming.
Essentially, I consider the beginning of my self-determinism to be the moment we stop questioning and resenting certain aspects of our algorithms that we didn’t like, and accept the state of the algorithm in its totality. At that point we began slowly learning what inputs create what outputs and some crude methods for modifying the coding. (Incidentally, the modern American mind[main]frame often arrives at the conclusion that it is easier to control the inputs to the algorithm in the first place and thus the typical American mental algorithm spends most of the time figuring out how to control the external world that produces the inputs, rather than fuss around with the code. I have observed that the more focused I am on controlling the external world, the less faith I have in my ability to impact how my own algorithm processes those inputs I am trying to control. e.g. if I don’t trust myself to get through some kind of failure without feeling shame, the harder I will work to not input the experience of failure in the first place.)
Now some may say, “Kacy, you are reducing yourself to nothing but a product of fate, a predetermined chemical reaction simply being governed by entropy.” My statement is so what if I am? Why can’t the same laws that govern how oxygen reacts with iron to create rust, be at work within me in a form that is so complex (and evidence of the grand intelligence of all matter) that it creates free will. Why can’t free will be the product of entropy? Perhaps free will is nothing more than the awareness that we are perfect beings and thus constrained by nothing but ourselves? As my friend Rod always says, “the one thing you can never fail at is life.”
There is saying (I think from Aikido) that says “there are many paths to the top of Mt. Fuji. Similarly I imagine there are a lot of ways to change our algorithms, some for the good and some for the bad I am sure. I think the different spiritual and religious disciplines are often time-tested processes that create certain results in terms of how they impact the algorithm. I imagine that some will always feel most content traveling the path that appears to be well populated with fellow pilgrims. Of course when it comes to the algorithm, some of us are always going to be “open source” types who will develop our own implementations drawing from wherever and striking out on their own path all together. I would like to think the universe intended for things to be just as they are. As a natural result the intention manifested the universe in the first place has unfolded through consciousness to produce some people who chose the well documented path, and it has also produced some who experiment more in their journey, or we would not have the well worn paths we have today. Maybe the universe has to create conditions that spawn a few thousand “megalomaniacal naval gazers” writing unremarkable blogs in cyberspace in order to spawn a Jesus, a Buddha, a M.K. Ghandi, a M.L. King, Jr. Then again, as far as the universe goes, I am probably just as much a part of its intention as anyone else, even those guys…
mr. wilson
Also, for some of you reading this, it may be a more palatable entry if you replace the word “universe” with “God” whenever you encounter it throughout the rest of the entry.
------------------------------------------------------------
It’s a typical Southern California day outside today. Blue skies, warm but not uncomfortably warm. I was sitting in my car after lunch preparing myself mentally to return to the office, and I started staring at these two palm trees against the pale blue beach sky. I started to think about how those trees just looked like an old content couple happy to have grown alongside each other, happy to have existed, resigned to the fact that they were only playing their role in a larger scheme. I guess I had my mini Bodhi Tree moment although The Buddha probably wasn’t sitting in a Subaru at the moment of his enlightenment. I will attempt to share my thoughts, although it is always difficult to communicate a moment of transcendence:
I found myself staring at those trees and thinking about how intelligent the universe must be at a sub-atomic level. The universe knew 14 billion years ago to release all of this energy and matter and left a consciousness vibrating throughout everything. I thought about how the universe set a few parameters for itself (physical and metaphysical laws that we may or may not understand) and began organizing itself, based on the conscious intentions that it had infused into everything that was present after the “big bang”. Sub atomic particles came together to form matter and the matter clustered just perfectly to create the solar system and planet Earth. Did Earth form because it is just one of the billions of permutations that were possible as a result of the cataclysmic birth of a universe? Maybe, if you want to leave things up to mathematical probability…but even given that theory, the consciousness of the universe must have understood its own potential for spawning a planet (or millions of planets) capable of sustaining more organized systems of discrete consciousness, i.e. capable of sustaining life. Whether the Earth is the singular intention of the universe or one of billions of statistical inevitabilities doesn’t really matter. I believe what matters most is that the intelligence and consciousness had a desire and that desire has been manifesting for as long as the desire has been present.
Then I began to think of myself. I am a human being, but what is that? Although I am not the universe, I am of the universe and every single conscious thought or notion has implications on a universal level. I have within myself the power to send out energy that touches every corner of the universe. As a matter of fact, thinking of the universe in terms of a three dimensional space is merely a human concept, a product of my experience-limited awareness and consciousness. Now by experience-limited, I don’t mean there is a boundary of awareness that I cannot cross. What would be the point of drawing an arbitrary line in the sand and telling myself I cannot cross it? I simply mean if the universe contains all there is…there is really no describing it relative to something else. But we tend to try to simplify all abstractions with limiting terms whether it be math, love, or the universe.
I continued to think to myself while watching those trees. Are those two palm trees self aware in the way that I am? I assume that those palm trees are one of countless manifestations of the intention of all the released energy and matter reacting over the last 14 billion years. Those trees are perfect products of the energy and matter that created them, just as I am a perfect product of the energy and matter that created me. Was it the chemical nature of sexuality in my parents, their love, their lust, their desire to affirm the goodness of life by perpetuating it, their reactions to the psychic pressure of wanting to do what was expected and/or normal in their estimation? Perhaps it was all those things coming together and more that resulted in me, a perfect emanation of the consciousness of the universe after 14 billion years of experience (apparently on a two for one deal…twins are evidence that the universe is a bargain shopper).
Here is where it gets interesting (thanks for reading this far if you are still here). Every single feeling I have is a result of that 14 billion years of organization and experience, a perfectly produced and finely honed aspect of consciousness. My desire for love and comfort is a perfect manifestation of consciousness. My fears are perfect products too. Shame, guilt, rage…they may seem like pointless destructive emotions but in the same way that humankind harnesses the destructive power of combustion to create energy, these “destructive” emotions have creative potential too. But it is important to realize that no matter what the emotion, it is a carefully measured reaction of consciousness. Emotion is probably the most powerful form of consciousness there is, for it trumps pure rationality every time How amazing that with six billion people on the planet, that nearly all of us have the same basic psychic structures that allow us to experience love, grief, and a whole gamut of other emotions. Their universality is a testament to how perfect our natural emotions and feelings truly are. Our entire emotional world is a perfect reaction to the environment and our own perfect programming, much the same way that those palm tress have a perfect reaction to rich soil, wind, rain, and sunshine. A tree losing its leaves due to strong winds is natural. A child bawling its eyes out over something an adult might consider unimportant is just as natural. An adult’s emotional reactions are still just as natural and perfect. Of course along the way to adulthood, our environment (that is also infused with consciousness) will shape how we process feelings, but our feelings will never stop being genuine messages of consciousness, a sincere and unambiguous language of the soul.
But it is not just my feelings that are a perfect product of the last 14 billion years. My thoughts and choices are perfect products too. No, I am not saying that every thought and idea that I have is ideal for the betterment of society, but my mind is a natural aspect of me being a human, just as the roots are a natural aspect of those two palms being trees. If the roots expose the trees to a toxic substance in the dirt below, the trees will be poorly affected, but the roots are doing what they are meant to do. It would be pointless for the rest of the tree to resent the roots. In that sense any thought my mind produces at any moment is a product of what the universal consciousness (working inside of me and outside of me) has infused me with up to that point. My mind is doing its job no matter what thought it conjures or what choice it makes. The branches and leaves of the tree are organized to choose to grow toward the light, but the tree cannot grow in complete darkness. My mind is the same way. It will produce the best thoughts and choices given what it has access to. My mind and my thoughts are doing nothing but manifesting the desire and will of the consciousness that exists in the trillions of sub-atomic consciousness packets all uniquely organized within me.
The fact that I have a conscience, and a sense of morality is a product of my perfect thoughts and the perfect thoughts of those who helped teach me. My choices that have tested my conscientiousness and morality have also been perfect. The repercussions such as guilt, shame or lack thereof I have experienced as a result of those actions has been the perfect feedback that has shaped future decisions. I have been born into a society that has laws with discrete repercussions to be carried forth if I am found guilty of violating these laws. These laws function to influence my perfect thinking, but more importantly they work to influence the perfect thinking of those who may not have been infused with the same conscience and morality. Those who fear the results of other’s decision are having a perfect emotional reaction, but what other choice do we have but to respect the legitimacy of other’s conclusions. We can throw people in jail, but we can never have the authority to damn someone to hell, except maybe ourselves. I guess I could judge a law breaker as good or bad and speculate about what is wrong, but I would have to have some kind of personal knowledge about being consciously amoral to identify the wrongness wouldn’t I? How could I conceive of an evil in someone else greater than the evil I can conceive of in my own heart? If I consider myself basically good, but I have acted selfishly under certain conditions, why am I any different from anyone else? I mean if we aren’t all inherently perfect, than we are all inherently imperfect, which basically still means we are in no position to decide one kind of imperfection is worse than another. I just find it hard to be believe in my own inherent perfection without assuming that everyone else has the same thing.
Although I will never know what goes on inside of others, I have a fairly strong feeling that every human being is feeling and thinking for themselves, that we are all naturally programmed to make choices based on an ultra-complex algorithm that seeks optimum results for the individual given their desires, experiences, and inborn inclinations. (Only a sociopath would have desires, experiences and inclinations that drive his algorithm to make choices that completely disregard other human beings.) All of our choices are just products of this algorithm which varies from person to person. Of course, I assume that most of us arrive at a point where we realize that we can expose ourselves to certain things that will shift the output of our own algorithm, but we only arrive at this point by virtue of indwelling intelligence and instinct. We are not born with any sense of responsibility for what we expose ourselves to. Somehow we are infused with enough organization of consciousness (and blessed by a particular environment and set of circumstances that are a result of that same kind of organization of consciousness) that we succeed in coming to the awareness that we might all be algorithms. By the time we realize that we are algorithms, our algorithms are very sophisticated, and we also realize that we are quite inexperienced at programming.
Essentially, I consider the beginning of my self-determinism to be the moment we stop questioning and resenting certain aspects of our algorithms that we didn’t like, and accept the state of the algorithm in its totality. At that point we began slowly learning what inputs create what outputs and some crude methods for modifying the coding. (Incidentally, the modern American mind[main]frame often arrives at the conclusion that it is easier to control the inputs to the algorithm in the first place and thus the typical American mental algorithm spends most of the time figuring out how to control the external world that produces the inputs, rather than fuss around with the code. I have observed that the more focused I am on controlling the external world, the less faith I have in my ability to impact how my own algorithm processes those inputs I am trying to control. e.g. if I don’t trust myself to get through some kind of failure without feeling shame, the harder I will work to not input the experience of failure in the first place.)
Now some may say, “Kacy, you are reducing yourself to nothing but a product of fate, a predetermined chemical reaction simply being governed by entropy.” My statement is so what if I am? Why can’t the same laws that govern how oxygen reacts with iron to create rust, be at work within me in a form that is so complex (and evidence of the grand intelligence of all matter) that it creates free will. Why can’t free will be the product of entropy? Perhaps free will is nothing more than the awareness that we are perfect beings and thus constrained by nothing but ourselves? As my friend Rod always says, “the one thing you can never fail at is life.”
There is saying (I think from Aikido) that says “there are many paths to the top of Mt. Fuji. Similarly I imagine there are a lot of ways to change our algorithms, some for the good and some for the bad I am sure. I think the different spiritual and religious disciplines are often time-tested processes that create certain results in terms of how they impact the algorithm. I imagine that some will always feel most content traveling the path that appears to be well populated with fellow pilgrims. Of course when it comes to the algorithm, some of us are always going to be “open source” types who will develop our own implementations drawing from wherever and striking out on their own path all together. I would like to think the universe intended for things to be just as they are. As a natural result the intention manifested the universe in the first place has unfolded through consciousness to produce some people who chose the well documented path, and it has also produced some who experiment more in their journey, or we would not have the well worn paths we have today. Maybe the universe has to create conditions that spawn a few thousand “megalomaniacal naval gazers” writing unremarkable blogs in cyberspace in order to spawn a Jesus, a Buddha, a M.K. Ghandi, a M.L. King, Jr. Then again, as far as the universe goes, I am probably just as much a part of its intention as anyone else, even those guys…
mr. wilson
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
beige brothers of the blogosphere...
I found the blog of this guy who call's himself the assimilated negro.
Who knew the world of the light-skinneded black man was mired in so much existential angst? He seems to enjoy being a slight asshole so that he can assume it is his assholishness that makes people dislike him and not his soaring intellect. I wouldn't know anything about that. I am fairly certain this guys is smarther than me because he is much more comfortable with being an ass than I am.
mr. wilson
Who knew the world of the light-skinneded black man was mired in so much existential angst? He seems to enjoy being a slight asshole so that he can assume it is his assholishness that makes people dislike him and not his soaring intellect. I wouldn't know anything about that. I am fairly certain this guys is smarther than me because he is much more comfortable with being an ass than I am.
mr. wilson
You can take the boy out the hood...
So there has been a bit of controversy recently over the new league wide NBA dress code. Some say the guidelines have racial overtones, and some say the multi-millionaires should just "suck it the fuck up", and keep getting paid.
Before I get my cultural critic on, I have to say that I really wish I were able to address a weightier issue than throwbacks, oversized white-T's, doo-rags, and 40" cables being banned from the NBA sidelines. But sometimes exploring a small issue illuminates the same societal pathologies that leads to the bigger issues...
Although the dress code may help sell the NBA, it won't probably make a dime's worth of difference in the way the players carry themselves or in truly changing the image of the league. And we are losing something here. Hell, knowing that the players are being forced to wear suits/business casual attire will rob us of the benefit of separatigng the good negroes from the bad ass stag-o-lee types. At least we knew to keep an eye on Allen Iverson all these years, and not let our kids worship him, right? Now we will be forced to judge players strictly on the merits of the way they play the game. Without the context of seeing gawdy jewelry on a player, how will we be able to dismiss him as having no heart and passion for the game, calling him squandered talent and a freak of raw unthinking athleticism?
But seriously, my problem with the dress code, is that the league is not interested in the well being of these young men that make them so much money. The NBA works like any other corporate industry in that they try to keep the talented people as clueless about their real worth and yet extract as much profit from their abilities as possible. In my estimation, the league simply wants to control these young men that are the key resource in making money, the same way the Cheney-Rumsfeld cabal wants to control oil reserves. Just like America claimed to be liberating the Iraqi people, the NBA is preteneding to be doing this for the betterment of the players, the sport and society.
So you don't want the league being represented by a bunch of rebellious 20 year olds? Your best solution is to try to make them dress up...no way Ron Artest is going to lose his temper if he has an Armani to throw over all that internal conflict. Why not make counseling sessions with a specially trained therapist mandatory for rookies? You can even include financial incentives. Why is some kind of professional development program not enforced if you really want to exude professionalism in the first place? If the NBA is really interested in conveying an image, why not come up with more creative ways to foster the development of character in these men? Nah, don't want to educate them or they might end up outspoken and keenly aware of how much power they do have. We just want the big bucks to make us some bigger bucks by dressing a little better and doing a better job of fooling the world about the true nature of their character. Is that it David Stern?
I have heard a lot of people speaking about how the players shouldn't complain about having to wear a uniform because of all the money they make or something to the effect that it is a condition of employment, like all jobs have. I love how we like to point our fingers at these guys unsympathetically and call them a bunch of whining, ungrateful multi-millionaires, but the majority of the people reading this post are probably in the richest 1% of the world population or will be once they become professional wage earners. These NBA players are still young men who may be talented and have access to resources, but they are also human beings under a lot more scrutiny than any of us at an early age. All of us know that dignity and individuality are hard to give up for any amount of money so why are we so quick to assume these guys should not gripe and express their dissidence, even if it isn't very articulate dissidence. Forcing these guys to accept more mainstream (and WASP-y) image guidelines might just stir up more resentment by illuminating the hypocrisy of America every time they get dressed. It might anger me more if I have to put on a tie/noose everyday, and I am constantly reminded of how much my identity goes unaccepted by America even if my athleticism is lauded. It might arouse even more anti-social and misanthropic behavior in me just to re-establish my sense of pride and self estem. And lets be real here...the NBA brought this forward just as the season is getting under way and the players have other issues to deal with. They don't have time to organize and really come to some group conclusions. So the players will comply, but why shouldn't they at least be vocal and express their dissidence? It seems that they are being good role models for a democratic society by not simply caving to power without at least speaking out about it.
On a personal note, if my company enforced a dress code on me, I would be highly upset...why? Because as a professional, I like to be left to my own decision making about what kind of image I put forth and how I go about earning the trust and respect of my customers. True I could wear a suit every day or be more formal and professional in the way I carry myself, but it is not a sign of immaturity if I would rather be informal and express who I am through my attire. As a professional, I am glad that I am given the room to choose the balance between being myself and being consistent with expectations. And besides, if i know what the hell I am doing, I do it well, and I do it with an expertise that cannot easily be replaced, my appearance becomes less and less important. You deal with a surgeon based on how successful he has been in the operating room. You deal with a lawyer by how successful he has been in the courtroom. Who gives a damn what they present if they get results?
The sad part about this is that the mainstream American public has never been good at discerning those with character from those who lack character, so we get caught up in dumb things like appearance, religious affiliation, etc. I cannot understand why in spite of knowing a book cannot be judged by its cover, that a society we still continue to harvest mostly fools who cannot see through image. Some of the people with the most integrity and professionalism do happen to wear doo rags from time to time. Hell, I have on one as I am writing this. At the same time, the truly criminal and sociopathic knows to exude a conservative professional image so as to go unsuspected for as long as possible. All those Tyco, Worldcom, Adelphia, and Enron fellas probably wore suits every day. Maybe Tom Delay got away with so much bullshit because he knew the secret to being an extraordinary criminal was to not look like a common one. So next year when some NBA player in a suit gets caught up in some criminal or unethical behavior, remember that it was the NBA that suggested a cosmetic approach to changing the image of the league. Maybe it is a good start, but they have a long way to go.
One final thought. If they stop with this dress code, it will probably backfire on the NBA anyway? Don't underestimate the ability of urban black men to look completly unorthodox within the supposedly conservative guidelines put forth...or have you not seen Steve Harvey. They will continue to express their unique identity within the framework of any dress code.
mr. wilson
Before I get my cultural critic on, I have to say that I really wish I were able to address a weightier issue than throwbacks, oversized white-T's, doo-rags, and 40" cables being banned from the NBA sidelines. But sometimes exploring a small issue illuminates the same societal pathologies that leads to the bigger issues...
Although the dress code may help sell the NBA, it won't probably make a dime's worth of difference in the way the players carry themselves or in truly changing the image of the league. And we are losing something here. Hell, knowing that the players are being forced to wear suits/business casual attire will rob us of the benefit of separatigng the good negroes from the bad ass stag-o-lee types. At least we knew to keep an eye on Allen Iverson all these years, and not let our kids worship him, right? Now we will be forced to judge players strictly on the merits of the way they play the game. Without the context of seeing gawdy jewelry on a player, how will we be able to dismiss him as having no heart and passion for the game, calling him squandered talent and a freak of raw unthinking athleticism?
But seriously, my problem with the dress code, is that the league is not interested in the well being of these young men that make them so much money. The NBA works like any other corporate industry in that they try to keep the talented people as clueless about their real worth and yet extract as much profit from their abilities as possible. In my estimation, the league simply wants to control these young men that are the key resource in making money, the same way the Cheney-Rumsfeld cabal wants to control oil reserves. Just like America claimed to be liberating the Iraqi people, the NBA is preteneding to be doing this for the betterment of the players, the sport and society.
So you don't want the league being represented by a bunch of rebellious 20 year olds? Your best solution is to try to make them dress up...no way Ron Artest is going to lose his temper if he has an Armani to throw over all that internal conflict. Why not make counseling sessions with a specially trained therapist mandatory for rookies? You can even include financial incentives. Why is some kind of professional development program not enforced if you really want to exude professionalism in the first place? If the NBA is really interested in conveying an image, why not come up with more creative ways to foster the development of character in these men? Nah, don't want to educate them or they might end up outspoken and keenly aware of how much power they do have. We just want the big bucks to make us some bigger bucks by dressing a little better and doing a better job of fooling the world about the true nature of their character. Is that it David Stern?
I have heard a lot of people speaking about how the players shouldn't complain about having to wear a uniform because of all the money they make or something to the effect that it is a condition of employment, like all jobs have. I love how we like to point our fingers at these guys unsympathetically and call them a bunch of whining, ungrateful multi-millionaires, but the majority of the people reading this post are probably in the richest 1% of the world population or will be once they become professional wage earners. These NBA players are still young men who may be talented and have access to resources, but they are also human beings under a lot more scrutiny than any of us at an early age. All of us know that dignity and individuality are hard to give up for any amount of money so why are we so quick to assume these guys should not gripe and express their dissidence, even if it isn't very articulate dissidence. Forcing these guys to accept more mainstream (and WASP-y) image guidelines might just stir up more resentment by illuminating the hypocrisy of America every time they get dressed. It might anger me more if I have to put on a tie/noose everyday, and I am constantly reminded of how much my identity goes unaccepted by America even if my athleticism is lauded. It might arouse even more anti-social and misanthropic behavior in me just to re-establish my sense of pride and self estem. And lets be real here...the NBA brought this forward just as the season is getting under way and the players have other issues to deal with. They don't have time to organize and really come to some group conclusions. So the players will comply, but why shouldn't they at least be vocal and express their dissidence? It seems that they are being good role models for a democratic society by not simply caving to power without at least speaking out about it.
On a personal note, if my company enforced a dress code on me, I would be highly upset...why? Because as a professional, I like to be left to my own decision making about what kind of image I put forth and how I go about earning the trust and respect of my customers. True I could wear a suit every day or be more formal and professional in the way I carry myself, but it is not a sign of immaturity if I would rather be informal and express who I am through my attire. As a professional, I am glad that I am given the room to choose the balance between being myself and being consistent with expectations. And besides, if i know what the hell I am doing, I do it well, and I do it with an expertise that cannot easily be replaced, my appearance becomes less and less important. You deal with a surgeon based on how successful he has been in the operating room. You deal with a lawyer by how successful he has been in the courtroom. Who gives a damn what they present if they get results?
The sad part about this is that the mainstream American public has never been good at discerning those with character from those who lack character, so we get caught up in dumb things like appearance, religious affiliation, etc. I cannot understand why in spite of knowing a book cannot be judged by its cover, that a society we still continue to harvest mostly fools who cannot see through image. Some of the people with the most integrity and professionalism do happen to wear doo rags from time to time. Hell, I have on one as I am writing this. At the same time, the truly criminal and sociopathic knows to exude a conservative professional image so as to go unsuspected for as long as possible. All those Tyco, Worldcom, Adelphia, and Enron fellas probably wore suits every day. Maybe Tom Delay got away with so much bullshit because he knew the secret to being an extraordinary criminal was to not look like a common one. So next year when some NBA player in a suit gets caught up in some criminal or unethical behavior, remember that it was the NBA that suggested a cosmetic approach to changing the image of the league. Maybe it is a good start, but they have a long way to go.
One final thought. If they stop with this dress code, it will probably backfire on the NBA anyway? Don't underestimate the ability of urban black men to look completly unorthodox within the supposedly conservative guidelines put forth...or have you not seen Steve Harvey. They will continue to express their unique identity within the framework of any dress code.
mr. wilson
Friday, September 30, 2005
Playing Both Sides of the Field
A friend of mind sent me a link to this article with the inflammatory subject title “Aborting black babies”. The link came with the following succinct comment: “This is crazy. Please do your part in protesting this A-hole. I can't believe he's allowed to be on the radio.”
I don’t believe in silencing anyone’s voice nor do I want there to exist a person or group who get to decide who is "allowed to be on the radio". I think we simply need to give equal access to media outlets to all viewpoints and then we wouldn't get so upset when something a little controversial finally leaked in. Anyway, I really had a totally different reaction to the article so I will put my two cents out into the blogosphere to see if I can offer some counterbalance…
This article is not crazy to me. Bennett is using the fact that we cannot make ethical and moral decisions based strictly on statistics, especially by extrapolating what the statistics say. He drew from a book that has been the on non-fiction bestsellers list for quite some time called Freakanomics written by Stephen Levitt (and cowritten by Stephen Dubner). The book is an interesting read and the unifying theme is how we can use regressional statistics to measure the social impacts of policies such as federally legalizing abortion in 1970 vs. violent crime rates. I was the first one in my office of engineers to read it, and many of my co-workers have now read it and it has started meaningful discussions. Freakonomics is not a book of morals but simply a book of data and statistics and the reader is left to make his own decisions about human kind, abortion, dignity, morality, etc.
The author’s data is highly compelling but his academic rigor is not presented in the book. We can only hope that the fact that the author is an economist at the esteemed University of Chicago indicates that his methods are scientifically sound. With that said, according to Levitt's data, it turns out that legalizing abortion has a higher correlation to crimes, and in particular violent crimes such as homicide, than size of the police force, unemployment, GNP and a whole slew of other variables that conventional wisdom has focused on. Compared to conventional wisdom about crime, the numbers tell a different story (and most of us engineers tend to understand the reliability of numbers vs. intuition since nobody ever intuited a cell phone network or a turbocharger without some rigorous mathematical work) and it is important to try to understand the causal relationships of phenomenon in our society. No matter what the raw numbers say, we still have our very human system of morals and values, but why not dispel as many myths and incorrect theories as possible when we are allocating resources and passing laws? What if we could find the most highly correlated variable when it comes to suicide bombings and terrorism? Perhaps we could really fight a war on terror if we used regressional analysis to see what leads to the psychic development of a suicide bomber, but we are allocating all of our resources with little understanding of how a terrorist gets made....our current war on terror is really an effort to control terror (at best, even though it smacks of a corporate crusade to rape and pillage if you ask me). But even if you follow the party line that we are in fact at war with terrorists, wouldn’t it make sense to try not to do the very things that can be shown to increase acts of terrorism in the first place.
But back to the comments of Bennett. I think this gentleman was taking it as obvious that aborting children based on race was morally irreprehensible, and using that fact to explain why you don't make political policy strictly based on statistical data. Unfortunately, men like Bennett do not always understand how raw the wounds of racism still are in this country, and how vigilant black people must remain in spite of the fact that things are different today than they were fifty years ago. Not all, but some white people in particular have the privilege of being ignorant about how other people think and see the world that always leads to some making insensitive comments. (Remember after the 9/111 bombing when it was virtually ONLY white people asking “why do they hate us” or remember after the OJ Simpson trial when millions became disillusioned with the American justice system FOR THE FIRST TIME). But even though what Bennett said might be inflammatory and unwise given the fact that people will react to such powerful rhetoric, I think we as a culture have more to worry about than this guy. To be honest, I think that fighting racism in this country shouldn’t even be the number one priority of any socially minded African American. Any of us African Americans that harangues about the injustice of this country is a powerful hypocrite if we cannot see that WE as Americans are guilty of the same policy globally that we convict white people of practicing domestically. How could I take shots at white people as if they consciously perpetuate racism en masse, and then shirk my own responsibility as an American when MY government tries to enslave the third world without the rights I enjoy here, even if I am part of the most maligned group subset of Americans. Remember that this subset of African Americans has turned out a Ken Chenault (CEO of AMEX) and a Richard Parsons (CEO of AOL/Time Warner) and a Colin Powell whereas I don’t know how much opportunity folks have in East Timor or Fullajah. I think that black people such as myself who have ascended to a professional level that at least kind of works like a meritocracy should remember that as an American citizen and co-owner of the economy (though my shareholdings) I participate in a global racism and oppression that is much worse than what is being visited upon black people in the United States these days. After all, would you rather be an undereducated and underemployed black man in the United States...or gainfully employed in the Sudan.
Its time we accept our dual identity as oppressor and oppressed. We are in a unique position to draw on our experience of being attacked, misunderstood, and misrepresented and yet having found the courage to participate and thrive in the very culture that has marganilized us. No one is better suited to be the moral compass this country needs in this day and age…
mr. wilson
I don’t believe in silencing anyone’s voice nor do I want there to exist a person or group who get to decide who is "allowed to be on the radio". I think we simply need to give equal access to media outlets to all viewpoints and then we wouldn't get so upset when something a little controversial finally leaked in. Anyway, I really had a totally different reaction to the article so I will put my two cents out into the blogosphere to see if I can offer some counterbalance…
This article is not crazy to me. Bennett is using the fact that we cannot make ethical and moral decisions based strictly on statistics, especially by extrapolating what the statistics say. He drew from a book that has been the on non-fiction bestsellers list for quite some time called Freakanomics written by Stephen Levitt (and cowritten by Stephen Dubner). The book is an interesting read and the unifying theme is how we can use regressional statistics to measure the social impacts of policies such as federally legalizing abortion in 1970 vs. violent crime rates. I was the first one in my office of engineers to read it, and many of my co-workers have now read it and it has started meaningful discussions. Freakonomics is not a book of morals but simply a book of data and statistics and the reader is left to make his own decisions about human kind, abortion, dignity, morality, etc.
The author’s data is highly compelling but his academic rigor is not presented in the book. We can only hope that the fact that the author is an economist at the esteemed University of Chicago indicates that his methods are scientifically sound. With that said, according to Levitt's data, it turns out that legalizing abortion has a higher correlation to crimes, and in particular violent crimes such as homicide, than size of the police force, unemployment, GNP and a whole slew of other variables that conventional wisdom has focused on. Compared to conventional wisdom about crime, the numbers tell a different story (and most of us engineers tend to understand the reliability of numbers vs. intuition since nobody ever intuited a cell phone network or a turbocharger without some rigorous mathematical work) and it is important to try to understand the causal relationships of phenomenon in our society. No matter what the raw numbers say, we still have our very human system of morals and values, but why not dispel as many myths and incorrect theories as possible when we are allocating resources and passing laws? What if we could find the most highly correlated variable when it comes to suicide bombings and terrorism? Perhaps we could really fight a war on terror if we used regressional analysis to see what leads to the psychic development of a suicide bomber, but we are allocating all of our resources with little understanding of how a terrorist gets made....our current war on terror is really an effort to control terror (at best, even though it smacks of a corporate crusade to rape and pillage if you ask me). But even if you follow the party line that we are in fact at war with terrorists, wouldn’t it make sense to try not to do the very things that can be shown to increase acts of terrorism in the first place.
But back to the comments of Bennett. I think this gentleman was taking it as obvious that aborting children based on race was morally irreprehensible, and using that fact to explain why you don't make political policy strictly based on statistical data. Unfortunately, men like Bennett do not always understand how raw the wounds of racism still are in this country, and how vigilant black people must remain in spite of the fact that things are different today than they were fifty years ago. Not all, but some white people in particular have the privilege of being ignorant about how other people think and see the world that always leads to some making insensitive comments. (Remember after the 9/111 bombing when it was virtually ONLY white people asking “why do they hate us” or remember after the OJ Simpson trial when millions became disillusioned with the American justice system FOR THE FIRST TIME). But even though what Bennett said might be inflammatory and unwise given the fact that people will react to such powerful rhetoric, I think we as a culture have more to worry about than this guy. To be honest, I think that fighting racism in this country shouldn’t even be the number one priority of any socially minded African American. Any of us African Americans that harangues about the injustice of this country is a powerful hypocrite if we cannot see that WE as Americans are guilty of the same policy globally that we convict white people of practicing domestically. How could I take shots at white people as if they consciously perpetuate racism en masse, and then shirk my own responsibility as an American when MY government tries to enslave the third world without the rights I enjoy here, even if I am part of the most maligned group subset of Americans. Remember that this subset of African Americans has turned out a Ken Chenault (CEO of AMEX) and a Richard Parsons (CEO of AOL/Time Warner) and a Colin Powell whereas I don’t know how much opportunity folks have in East Timor or Fullajah. I think that black people such as myself who have ascended to a professional level that at least kind of works like a meritocracy should remember that as an American citizen and co-owner of the economy (though my shareholdings) I participate in a global racism and oppression that is much worse than what is being visited upon black people in the United States these days. After all, would you rather be an undereducated and underemployed black man in the United States...or gainfully employed in the Sudan.
Its time we accept our dual identity as oppressor and oppressed. We are in a unique position to draw on our experience of being attacked, misunderstood, and misrepresented and yet having found the courage to participate and thrive in the very culture that has marganilized us. No one is better suited to be the moral compass this country needs in this day and age…
mr. wilson
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Song For My Father
Its 3:30 a.m. in the morning and I cannot sleep. I should be exhausted as I have spent the last two nights sleeping in my office, and I was looking forward to sleeping in my own bed with my table fan blowing a gentle breeze across my room as I doze. I feel physically uneasy and anxious and my mind is staccato at best. I don’t even know if I should be trying to write anything since I was struggling to read more than a paragraph from my latest book by Bukowski, an author who normally puts me right to sleep with his ability to disarm fear, anxiety and loneliness by romantacizing the never ending struggle with these feelings.
Maybe I am distraught over the fact that Hurricane Rita is baring down on a portion of the country that at least 75% of my family lives in, but I really cannot say I have been that conscious of Hurricane Rita. I have glanced at enough articles in the last 72 hours to know that Hurricane Rita is Category 5. The funny thing is that I haven’t been that concerned about Hurricane Rita in spite of what I can only assume has been total media saturation. After Hurricane Katrina, I just figured it was only natural that the media cater to the fears and fascination, so I assumed that maybe the powerful coverage was mostly buzz. (Kind of how the media's decision to cover a “string” of freeway shootings or kidnappings ends up creating the perception that these crimes are on the rise when they might not be happening any more frequently, statistically speaking.) I am almost ashamed to admit that some of my friends have been more concerned about my family than me. Of course, its been mostly my friends who have never lived through a hurricane who are reaching out to me. My mind has been too focused on the people who have already lost so much in the past three weeks due to Katrina. As for my friends, I have accepted their thoughts and prayers, but I have pointed out that Houston is further inland than New Orleans plus reminded them that it was the failure of the levees that caused most of the New Orleans disaster, not the powerful winds and rain.
Of course the only really bad hurricane I ever experienced growing up was Hurricane Alicia in 1983 which I found out was only a category 3 thanks to Google. My memory of that storm is that it rained really hard all night and the power went out for a little while, but by morning, I was out in the driveway catching crawfish in the storm runoff and having “leaf races” with my brothers. I was only 9 back then, but I remember all of the adults being anxious. I remember being relieved yet disappointed that the windows had not blown in, and except for a few loose roof shingles and the blown-over saplings in the front yard, not much had happened.
Anyway, just before I started writing this entry I checked my G-mail account and there was an e-mail from my father talking about the current situation in Houston. He doesn’t seem very concerned for his own safety and health as he was joking about playing golf earlier today while many were buying up batteries, water and plywood. He went on to express mock disappointment about not being able to administer his first test of the semester since classes were canceled at HCC this evening. But my father did go on to also let us know that he was a little concerned about the wind damage blowing the very large trees in his aunts yard over and into the aunt’s house. Both his father and his aunt live in that house and they are both in their 90’s. He spoke about his plans for evacuating them.
In reading the e-mail I re-discovered something that I admire in my father and I have always hoped I would somehow inherit. My father is lovingly responsible enough to evacuate his Dad and aunt from a house that in all likelihood is going to be fine. He will do this with an almost cheerful sense of duty even though moving them (both are fairly fragile) is going to be a fairly difficult task, especially if my grandfather (moody Cancer just like me) is “on one”. At the same time my father is aware enough to re-assure those of us family members who are away from Houston that everyone is taken care of, and not to worry about him. And in spite of what I am sure is a ton of panic around him, my father is at ease and lighthearted enough to get in a round of golf. (Of course that could just be a sign of addiction.) I guess what I have always observed in my father is a great sense of responsibility without the world weariness and cynicism that impact so many other serious people. In spite of the fact that my father is far from ignorant, he has always seemed to be just as capable of bliss as any fool I have met. He has always been a role model of balance teaching me how to wake up early and on-time for school, but doing it by shaking me out of bed while blasting Michael Jackson’s Thriller through the house. Even if he didn’t mean to do it, he showed me how possible it is to be a mature adult firmly aware and respectful of the child he once was.
Anyway, I just wanted to say before the universal many refer to as God that I am thankful for my father and please bless him through the oncoming hurricane.
mr. wilson, jr.
P.S. By the way the title of this post is an album by Horace Silver…if a little late night jazz can’t put me to sleep now, nothing can.
Maybe I am distraught over the fact that Hurricane Rita is baring down on a portion of the country that at least 75% of my family lives in, but I really cannot say I have been that conscious of Hurricane Rita. I have glanced at enough articles in the last 72 hours to know that Hurricane Rita is Category 5. The funny thing is that I haven’t been that concerned about Hurricane Rita in spite of what I can only assume has been total media saturation. After Hurricane Katrina, I just figured it was only natural that the media cater to the fears and fascination, so I assumed that maybe the powerful coverage was mostly buzz. (Kind of how the media's decision to cover a “string” of freeway shootings or kidnappings ends up creating the perception that these crimes are on the rise when they might not be happening any more frequently, statistically speaking.) I am almost ashamed to admit that some of my friends have been more concerned about my family than me. Of course, its been mostly my friends who have never lived through a hurricane who are reaching out to me. My mind has been too focused on the people who have already lost so much in the past three weeks due to Katrina. As for my friends, I have accepted their thoughts and prayers, but I have pointed out that Houston is further inland than New Orleans plus reminded them that it was the failure of the levees that caused most of the New Orleans disaster, not the powerful winds and rain.
Of course the only really bad hurricane I ever experienced growing up was Hurricane Alicia in 1983 which I found out was only a category 3 thanks to Google. My memory of that storm is that it rained really hard all night and the power went out for a little while, but by morning, I was out in the driveway catching crawfish in the storm runoff and having “leaf races” with my brothers. I was only 9 back then, but I remember all of the adults being anxious. I remember being relieved yet disappointed that the windows had not blown in, and except for a few loose roof shingles and the blown-over saplings in the front yard, not much had happened.
Anyway, just before I started writing this entry I checked my G-mail account and there was an e-mail from my father talking about the current situation in Houston. He doesn’t seem very concerned for his own safety and health as he was joking about playing golf earlier today while many were buying up batteries, water and plywood. He went on to express mock disappointment about not being able to administer his first test of the semester since classes were canceled at HCC this evening. But my father did go on to also let us know that he was a little concerned about the wind damage blowing the very large trees in his aunts yard over and into the aunt’s house. Both his father and his aunt live in that house and they are both in their 90’s. He spoke about his plans for evacuating them.
In reading the e-mail I re-discovered something that I admire in my father and I have always hoped I would somehow inherit. My father is lovingly responsible enough to evacuate his Dad and aunt from a house that in all likelihood is going to be fine. He will do this with an almost cheerful sense of duty even though moving them (both are fairly fragile) is going to be a fairly difficult task, especially if my grandfather (moody Cancer just like me) is “on one”. At the same time my father is aware enough to re-assure those of us family members who are away from Houston that everyone is taken care of, and not to worry about him. And in spite of what I am sure is a ton of panic around him, my father is at ease and lighthearted enough to get in a round of golf. (Of course that could just be a sign of addiction.) I guess what I have always observed in my father is a great sense of responsibility without the world weariness and cynicism that impact so many other serious people. In spite of the fact that my father is far from ignorant, he has always seemed to be just as capable of bliss as any fool I have met. He has always been a role model of balance teaching me how to wake up early and on-time for school, but doing it by shaking me out of bed while blasting Michael Jackson’s Thriller through the house. Even if he didn’t mean to do it, he showed me how possible it is to be a mature adult firmly aware and respectful of the child he once was.
Anyway, I just wanted to say before the universal many refer to as God that I am thankful for my father and please bless him through the oncoming hurricane.
mr. wilson, jr.
P.S. By the way the title of this post is an album by Horace Silver…if a little late night jazz can’t put me to sleep now, nothing can.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
At Least it Wasn't Mike Jones
I have not felt like I could really address this Hurricane Katrina thing with my blog. There is just so much involved and its’ a more complex issue. I have been listening to others and trying to glean some idea of the state of the world and humankind by listening to the reactions of various folks. I guess there is a little excitement that maybe this event will be the sobering experience this country needs to really look at itself, but then again I felt the same way the morning of September 11, 2001 before I watched this country hastily go to war and aggressively sow more seeds of hate and fear.
And already the cynic in me has noticed a small troubling detail about the Katrina aftermath. Let's just say that I think the corporate driven media and government have learned a valuable lesson from magicians by learning to keep us focused on things of little consequence like exposed breasts and some R&B singer peeing on a fourteen year old girl. I have been really disturbed by the amount of people seriously discussing the brief, obviously extemporaneous comments of a Mr. Kanye West when he gave his honest reactions to what was going in New Orleans just a few days after the flooding from Katrina. Check out links like these:
Washington Post columnist addresses whether George Bush cares about black people
Black apologist article that addresses kanye's lack of political awareness
National Review article that addresses the need for the democratic leadership to distance themselves from Kanye
Well if Mr. West intended to be controversial and use his fame to start a dialogue, he has been successful, but I just find it strange that in the midst of having real questions that need to be answered about the direction of this country economically, globally and socially, that Mr. West's name is on so many people's lips. Who knows how we are going to pay the aftermath and a war in Iraq, especially without a tax hike? Who cares that the administration that has made virtually no headway on domestic issues like health care in the last five years is being entrusted to fix a problem far more difficult and complex. Let's dissect the statements of “the college dropout" instead. The media can easily find 100 other people who are saying truly insightful things and raising serious questions, but instead we are collectively wrapped around the axle over what a rapper said. Not that rappers cannot be astute and savvy...but this is a fairly easy fraternity to join considering that Snoop Dogg, Paul Wall, and Lil' Kim all maintain esteemed positions in the rap world.
So why Kanye? Maybe he actually struck a nerve, but I just don't understand why so many people who have nothing to do with hip hop or pop culture are focusing on Mr. West. Here is a man whose music career is based on a) being a producer with a strong ear for what will sound good on radio (yet he possesses very little musicianship) and b) being a rapper whose image is built on exposing a typical middle class identity crises: accepting the money/power oriented values system of a global market economy or trying to transcend that through some form of self awareness and introspection and observation of the human condition. Oddly Kanye ends up generally being cynical about his ability to transcend the values of the culture he lives in and always returns to the safety and comfort of identifying with money, fame, and popularity rather than a more self-determined since of self worth. Kanye always seems to be winking to the listener that although he is caught up in the rat race, at least he can claim to be a winner even if he still is a rat. (Don't get me wrong, Kanye's honesty is refreshing because at least we can identify with him instead of the alpha male ruthless warrior image of a 50 Cent.)
So given this guy's modus operandi why are people looking to him for social commentary? Do we really expect some insight to come from a guy who struggles with the decision of whether to where his jewelry or not? Yet so many people are going on tirades criticizing him as a conspiracy theorist and racist or just an immature unaware celebrity, which by the way he is entitled to be since his job is to make pleasant sounds and rhyme words. Why are engineers at my job asking me about what I thought of Kanye's comments as if that is a good starting point for a dialogue between two people who work for a major defense contractor and have tons more insight to how the government really works? I feel silly even having to respond to , but probably not as silly as they feel when I ask them how they would feel if I asked them about what Britney Spears or Tom Cruise has to say.
I think the media people addressing his comments are either just trying to get some publicity or they must feel like Kanye is representative of black people in general. To a certain degree, Kanye's perspective is very typical even if it is simplistic, but that applies to most Americans who have never developed the ability to see things from multiple perspectives and accept how broad the and complex the truth tends to be. I understand some people will chalk Kanye's statements up to his being black...but these are people who don't want what they think challenged in the first place and so they just dismiss Kanye as racist or absurd. Dismissing Kanye is easy to do given what he said...but if he had been eloquent, balanced and insightful these people would have only had to strain a lot harder to find something wrong with him and dismiss him none the less.
The strange thing is that no amount of character assassination is going to change the fact that we live in a country that is creating large communities of people who feel the way that Kanye does (even after they make money and prove themselves capable of thriving in this money driven culture). So I just don't understand why a legitimate columnist in a newspaper like the Washington Post actually feels a need to stir up the debate about whether George Bush does in deed care about black people, as if answering this burning question will put us on the path to enlightenment and the betterment of society. I read an article where Laura Bush was agitated enough to call Kanye's comments disgusting. I wonder if Ms. Bush realizes that by even feeling a need to respect Kanye's accusation with an emotionally charge retort, she makes me more suspicious that maybe Kanye had struck a tender little sore spot.
I don't understand why George Kane [writer of the second article linked above], who is black, feels a need to dumb himself down to have a one sided debate with Mr. West as a means of criticizing the perspective of the general black community (which as we all know gets treated as some monolithic uniform political and social perspective). Large segments of the black community tend to be insular in terms of political and social views and several powerful perceptions linger that lead to gross accusations like: "white people are all racist, the government wants to destroy the black community, etc." But large segments of the white community are insular and hold on to several powerful perceptions. This is a product of people of all colors not interacting with folks of diverse backgrounds and coming to naturally see how human just about everyone is on a personal level. So what purpose does it serve for George Kane to attack poor black people who blame racism for the failure of our government to give their lives more economic priority? Does it make it any better if the disregard for someone's life is due completely to classicism? It appears that Mr. Kane just wants to establish how erroneous Kanye's thinking is so he can establish how erroneous most black people's thinking is...so that he can dismiss the legitimacy of anything the angry victims or the angry people who sympathize with them have to say.
Finally, I am saddened that a portion of the democratic leadership has to think about distancing themselves from the "Kanye perspective" in order to attract votes from the centrists who have drifted over to the Republican party. What they are essentially saying is that Democrats may be able to appeal to the marginally racist angry white people who might vote along their class interests if the Dems can just avoid the perception that they sympathize at all with the poor black people who are angry and dissatisfied with the government. I guess being a college drop out really did hurt Kanye, because to hear the media tell it, his limited political awareness and inability to find more acceptable ways of articulating his feelings is going to determine the next president. And they have the nerve to criticize this guy for having a big head...
The funny thing is that Kanye will probably have a field day with this on his next album when he decides to criticize those who got his "celebrity" confused with his "credibility". It could have been worse though...Mike Jones would have slurred thought diamond and platinum encrusted teeth that George Bush don't care about black people and then repeated himself twice to punctuate his statement.
mr. wilson
And already the cynic in me has noticed a small troubling detail about the Katrina aftermath. Let's just say that I think the corporate driven media and government have learned a valuable lesson from magicians by learning to keep us focused on things of little consequence like exposed breasts and some R&B singer peeing on a fourteen year old girl. I have been really disturbed by the amount of people seriously discussing the brief, obviously extemporaneous comments of a Mr. Kanye West when he gave his honest reactions to what was going in New Orleans just a few days after the flooding from Katrina. Check out links like these:
Washington Post columnist addresses whether George Bush cares about black people
Black apologist article that addresses kanye's lack of political awareness
National Review article that addresses the need for the democratic leadership to distance themselves from Kanye
Well if Mr. West intended to be controversial and use his fame to start a dialogue, he has been successful, but I just find it strange that in the midst of having real questions that need to be answered about the direction of this country economically, globally and socially, that Mr. West's name is on so many people's lips. Who knows how we are going to pay the aftermath and a war in Iraq, especially without a tax hike? Who cares that the administration that has made virtually no headway on domestic issues like health care in the last five years is being entrusted to fix a problem far more difficult and complex. Let's dissect the statements of “the college dropout" instead. The media can easily find 100 other people who are saying truly insightful things and raising serious questions, but instead we are collectively wrapped around the axle over what a rapper said. Not that rappers cannot be astute and savvy...but this is a fairly easy fraternity to join considering that Snoop Dogg, Paul Wall, and Lil' Kim all maintain esteemed positions in the rap world.
So why Kanye? Maybe he actually struck a nerve, but I just don't understand why so many people who have nothing to do with hip hop or pop culture are focusing on Mr. West. Here is a man whose music career is based on a) being a producer with a strong ear for what will sound good on radio (yet he possesses very little musicianship) and b) being a rapper whose image is built on exposing a typical middle class identity crises: accepting the money/power oriented values system of a global market economy or trying to transcend that through some form of self awareness and introspection and observation of the human condition. Oddly Kanye ends up generally being cynical about his ability to transcend the values of the culture he lives in and always returns to the safety and comfort of identifying with money, fame, and popularity rather than a more self-determined since of self worth. Kanye always seems to be winking to the listener that although he is caught up in the rat race, at least he can claim to be a winner even if he still is a rat. (Don't get me wrong, Kanye's honesty is refreshing because at least we can identify with him instead of the alpha male ruthless warrior image of a 50 Cent.)
So given this guy's modus operandi why are people looking to him for social commentary? Do we really expect some insight to come from a guy who struggles with the decision of whether to where his jewelry or not? Yet so many people are going on tirades criticizing him as a conspiracy theorist and racist or just an immature unaware celebrity, which by the way he is entitled to be since his job is to make pleasant sounds and rhyme words. Why are engineers at my job asking me about what I thought of Kanye's comments as if that is a good starting point for a dialogue between two people who work for a major defense contractor and have tons more insight to how the government really works? I feel silly even having to respond to , but probably not as silly as they feel when I ask them how they would feel if I asked them about what Britney Spears or Tom Cruise has to say.
I think the media people addressing his comments are either just trying to get some publicity or they must feel like Kanye is representative of black people in general. To a certain degree, Kanye's perspective is very typical even if it is simplistic, but that applies to most Americans who have never developed the ability to see things from multiple perspectives and accept how broad the and complex the truth tends to be. I understand some people will chalk Kanye's statements up to his being black...but these are people who don't want what they think challenged in the first place and so they just dismiss Kanye as racist or absurd. Dismissing Kanye is easy to do given what he said...but if he had been eloquent, balanced and insightful these people would have only had to strain a lot harder to find something wrong with him and dismiss him none the less.
The strange thing is that no amount of character assassination is going to change the fact that we live in a country that is creating large communities of people who feel the way that Kanye does (even after they make money and prove themselves capable of thriving in this money driven culture). So I just don't understand why a legitimate columnist in a newspaper like the Washington Post actually feels a need to stir up the debate about whether George Bush does in deed care about black people, as if answering this burning question will put us on the path to enlightenment and the betterment of society. I read an article where Laura Bush was agitated enough to call Kanye's comments disgusting. I wonder if Ms. Bush realizes that by even feeling a need to respect Kanye's accusation with an emotionally charge retort, she makes me more suspicious that maybe Kanye had struck a tender little sore spot.
I don't understand why George Kane [writer of the second article linked above], who is black, feels a need to dumb himself down to have a one sided debate with Mr. West as a means of criticizing the perspective of the general black community (which as we all know gets treated as some monolithic uniform political and social perspective). Large segments of the black community tend to be insular in terms of political and social views and several powerful perceptions linger that lead to gross accusations like: "white people are all racist, the government wants to destroy the black community, etc." But large segments of the white community are insular and hold on to several powerful perceptions. This is a product of people of all colors not interacting with folks of diverse backgrounds and coming to naturally see how human just about everyone is on a personal level. So what purpose does it serve for George Kane to attack poor black people who blame racism for the failure of our government to give their lives more economic priority? Does it make it any better if the disregard for someone's life is due completely to classicism? It appears that Mr. Kane just wants to establish how erroneous Kanye's thinking is so he can establish how erroneous most black people's thinking is...so that he can dismiss the legitimacy of anything the angry victims or the angry people who sympathize with them have to say.
Finally, I am saddened that a portion of the democratic leadership has to think about distancing themselves from the "Kanye perspective" in order to attract votes from the centrists who have drifted over to the Republican party. What they are essentially saying is that Democrats may be able to appeal to the marginally racist angry white people who might vote along their class interests if the Dems can just avoid the perception that they sympathize at all with the poor black people who are angry and dissatisfied with the government. I guess being a college drop out really did hurt Kanye, because to hear the media tell it, his limited political awareness and inability to find more acceptable ways of articulating his feelings is going to determine the next president. And they have the nerve to criticize this guy for having a big head...
The funny thing is that Kanye will probably have a field day with this on his next album when he decides to criticize those who got his "celebrity" confused with his "credibility". It could have been worse though...Mike Jones would have slurred thought diamond and platinum encrusted teeth that George Bush don't care about black people and then repeated himself twice to punctuate his statement.
mr. wilson
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Last Call
A friend of mine (who posts her own blog at www.intellectualinsurgent.blogspot.com) sent me a link to this article:
http://www.lewrockwell.com/featherstone/featherstone38.html
The article echoes a great deal of what I have been tossing around in my head lately. Here is my reaction to the article:
-----------------------------------------------------------------
The essay is very in-line with some of the ideas put forth in that Thomas Friedman book "The World is Flat". I have been giving a lot of thought as of lately about the average aspirations of members of our culture, especially Generation X and Generation Y. We are watching "Cribs", "Pimp My Ride", "Wild On..." and a whole slew of other television shows that glorify not only a life of privilege and access, but a life of easily obtained and maintained wealth. The biggest celebrities are rappers like Snoop, heiresses like Paris, sports stars like Anna, and moguls like the Donald. There is a funny passage in the Friedman book that I will paraphrase here...
[Bill Gates is an unmatched celebrity in China. When he speaks at public events there, his engagements immediately sell out, and one has to pay ridiculous scalper prices (or risk hanging from the rafters) in order to get in to see him. This man who leveraged technology and made a fortune is an icon to the Chinese people...he is the Britney Spears of China. The problem with the United States is that Britney Spears is the Britney Spears of the America.]
It seems the American dream is to have access to wealth but not work very hard for it...or maybe to get rich for doing something we appear to do effortlessly and naturally such as Jay-Z's heralded gift for lyrics or Paris' gift for knowing what's hot. Our media is chiefly obsessed with wild consumerism and we all compete to appear affluent yet non-plussed by the demands of creating that affluent lifestyle. Almost everyone I know of is trying to figure out how to "flip" some real estate and make a quick $100,000. I say live it up if you catch a windfall because $100,000 U.S. isn't going to be much in ten years. American currency has been so stable for so long that most people just don't understand how quickly the dollar is crumbling. I don't think very many Americans have an idea of how much the currency is being devalued (although current gas prices and the higher cost of goods driven by Hurricane Katrina hurting so much of the nation's shipping infrastructure will probably make some people sit up and take notice.) Maybe that haven't noticed that a night out at the movies is getting more expensive even though the movies aren't getting any better, unless you find The Dukes of Hazzard to be truly groundbreaking cinema. Most people that I interact with these days cannot fathom why America cannot support a significant segment of its population retiring and living off the passive income from investments...that investing in America is only a good idea as long as America's economy continues to grow. If ain't nobody working, ain't nobody eating. I am not anti-investment. Even without much sound economic know-how, it is probably a good idea for most of us to invest some money as a hedge against whatever the future holds, but I really think most folks just don't see how we cannot have a country full of poor people doing service jobs, and a large upper class that does little else but check there net worth from time to time. The "get-rich-quick" types are everywhere and what amazes me is that some of them can barely do long division much less make sense of the reams of financial information out there.
Don't get me wrong, the rich have gotten rich because they understand how to make money work for them, but becoming rich and staying rich still takes a great deal of hard work and skill. My friend (let's call him Alex) who left a moderately well paid engineering position at a defense company last year to manage his real estate investments full-time is still just as busy as ever. He has to hustle even more because he doesn't have the benefit of a steady income provided by labor laws that protecting him from being abruptly fired for making a mistake. If he makes a mistake it can be costly. But I am not talking about people like Alex when I speak of "get rich quick types". Alex still has enough economic and analytical sense to spot good financial deals regardless of what "experts" who stand to make money off of him have to say. Alex is adaptable enough and perceptive enough to see the winds of change start to blow and make the adequate adjustment, but he will tell anyone that it is a full time job monitoring so much. The "get rich quick type" feels like there is a simple formula (that they are usually getting out of some book or program that made made some other guy rich, or even worse just following the advice of someone who makes money off of investing their money) to success, and they never ever question why they are so blessed as to have stumbled upon the secret to wealth.
Underneath all of this is a growing crisis of a large population that is for lack of better words, not very bright. They watch the news which is dumbed down for their consumption. (Remember how turned off most of us were by Shakespeare because of how hard it was to understand? People surf the channels until they find a palatable news source that doesn't make them feel stupid. Fox News gets the great ratings they get because they "do all the thinkin' fer ya".) And you don't have to be a genius, but you do have to be self aware enough to just use your own good common sense and experience no matter how much it flies in the face of the "conventional wisdom" being pushed by all the pundits. A country in which more people know Brad Pitt is dating Angelina Jolie than know how to calculate compound interest is a country full of people just waiting to be duped. A fool and his money, indeed.
Of course America isn't totally screwed. America's main advantage still is the stable and highly regulated capital markets and the fact that it still leads the world in technical innovation. This is great for the truly wealthy or connected people who have access to valuable trust-worthy investment expertise (i.e. not the free crap you get on CNBC) or those who are developing their scientific and rational faculties in the sciences, technical institues, med schools, law schools, B-schools and other upper echelons of academia that don't include 90% of the diploma mill universities and colleges in this country. In spite of their credentials, most average Americans simply cannot get very far thinking independently for themselves. They cannot think in the rational terms needed to deal with economics, accounting, the sciences and technology, and they are living off the froth of fifty years of American dominace in the global market place. But that dominace is fading as the very globalization we pushed in order to gain access to cheap goods and labor, means that all the world's most industrious people no longer necessarily want to live here and let our economy benefit from their brilliance. With outsourcing sending simple (and not so simple) jobs overseas, how many people know how to update their skills and their abilities and be adaptable? How many are talented or creative enough to develop a highly specialized service or product that will keep them financially viable?
I hate to be a doomsdayer, but I really see dark days ahead for a large portion of the American public. Maybe it will be good thing as America will be forced into acting more like the meritocracy it has always claimed to be, finally searching out the most talented people for positions instead of nepotism, the good old boy network, and other bad business practices that have repeatedly put unqualified people in positions of power...like the head of FEMA for instance. Maybe this is why our military is so out of control...maybe the only way for America to keep the party going for much longer is to continue looting and robbing the rest of the world and acting like some kind of global mafia forcing the world to pay "protection" money so that we can keep the cess pool swirling a little longer...
I hate to say it, but it looks like 1:45 a.m and the bar is closing, and everyone is starting to look a whole lot worse as the lights are coming up...
-mr. wilson
http://www.lewrockwell.com/featherstone/featherstone38.html
The article echoes a great deal of what I have been tossing around in my head lately. Here is my reaction to the article:
-----------------------------------------------------------------
The essay is very in-line with some of the ideas put forth in that Thomas Friedman book "The World is Flat". I have been giving a lot of thought as of lately about the average aspirations of members of our culture, especially Generation X and Generation Y. We are watching "Cribs", "Pimp My Ride", "Wild On..." and a whole slew of other television shows that glorify not only a life of privilege and access, but a life of easily obtained and maintained wealth. The biggest celebrities are rappers like Snoop, heiresses like Paris, sports stars like Anna, and moguls like the Donald. There is a funny passage in the Friedman book that I will paraphrase here...
[Bill Gates is an unmatched celebrity in China. When he speaks at public events there, his engagements immediately sell out, and one has to pay ridiculous scalper prices (or risk hanging from the rafters) in order to get in to see him. This man who leveraged technology and made a fortune is an icon to the Chinese people...he is the Britney Spears of China. The problem with the United States is that Britney Spears is the Britney Spears of the America.]
It seems the American dream is to have access to wealth but not work very hard for it...or maybe to get rich for doing something we appear to do effortlessly and naturally such as Jay-Z's heralded gift for lyrics or Paris' gift for knowing what's hot. Our media is chiefly obsessed with wild consumerism and we all compete to appear affluent yet non-plussed by the demands of creating that affluent lifestyle. Almost everyone I know of is trying to figure out how to "flip" some real estate and make a quick $100,000. I say live it up if you catch a windfall because $100,000 U.S. isn't going to be much in ten years. American currency has been so stable for so long that most people just don't understand how quickly the dollar is crumbling. I don't think very many Americans have an idea of how much the currency is being devalued (although current gas prices and the higher cost of goods driven by Hurricane Katrina hurting so much of the nation's shipping infrastructure will probably make some people sit up and take notice.) Maybe that haven't noticed that a night out at the movies is getting more expensive even though the movies aren't getting any better, unless you find The Dukes of Hazzard to be truly groundbreaking cinema. Most people that I interact with these days cannot fathom why America cannot support a significant segment of its population retiring and living off the passive income from investments...that investing in America is only a good idea as long as America's economy continues to grow. If ain't nobody working, ain't nobody eating. I am not anti-investment. Even without much sound economic know-how, it is probably a good idea for most of us to invest some money as a hedge against whatever the future holds, but I really think most folks just don't see how we cannot have a country full of poor people doing service jobs, and a large upper class that does little else but check there net worth from time to time. The "get-rich-quick" types are everywhere and what amazes me is that some of them can barely do long division much less make sense of the reams of financial information out there.
Don't get me wrong, the rich have gotten rich because they understand how to make money work for them, but becoming rich and staying rich still takes a great deal of hard work and skill. My friend (let's call him Alex) who left a moderately well paid engineering position at a defense company last year to manage his real estate investments full-time is still just as busy as ever. He has to hustle even more because he doesn't have the benefit of a steady income provided by labor laws that protecting him from being abruptly fired for making a mistake. If he makes a mistake it can be costly. But I am not talking about people like Alex when I speak of "get rich quick types". Alex still has enough economic and analytical sense to spot good financial deals regardless of what "experts" who stand to make money off of him have to say. Alex is adaptable enough and perceptive enough to see the winds of change start to blow and make the adequate adjustment, but he will tell anyone that it is a full time job monitoring so much. The "get rich quick type" feels like there is a simple formula (that they are usually getting out of some book or program that made made some other guy rich, or even worse just following the advice of someone who makes money off of investing their money) to success, and they never ever question why they are so blessed as to have stumbled upon the secret to wealth.
Underneath all of this is a growing crisis of a large population that is for lack of better words, not very bright. They watch the news which is dumbed down for their consumption. (Remember how turned off most of us were by Shakespeare because of how hard it was to understand? People surf the channels until they find a palatable news source that doesn't make them feel stupid. Fox News gets the great ratings they get because they "do all the thinkin' fer ya".) And you don't have to be a genius, but you do have to be self aware enough to just use your own good common sense and experience no matter how much it flies in the face of the "conventional wisdom" being pushed by all the pundits. A country in which more people know Brad Pitt is dating Angelina Jolie than know how to calculate compound interest is a country full of people just waiting to be duped. A fool and his money, indeed.
Of course America isn't totally screwed. America's main advantage still is the stable and highly regulated capital markets and the fact that it still leads the world in technical innovation. This is great for the truly wealthy or connected people who have access to valuable trust-worthy investment expertise (i.e. not the free crap you get on CNBC) or those who are developing their scientific and rational faculties in the sciences, technical institues, med schools, law schools, B-schools and other upper echelons of academia that don't include 90% of the diploma mill universities and colleges in this country. In spite of their credentials, most average Americans simply cannot get very far thinking independently for themselves. They cannot think in the rational terms needed to deal with economics, accounting, the sciences and technology, and they are living off the froth of fifty years of American dominace in the global market place. But that dominace is fading as the very globalization we pushed in order to gain access to cheap goods and labor, means that all the world's most industrious people no longer necessarily want to live here and let our economy benefit from their brilliance. With outsourcing sending simple (and not so simple) jobs overseas, how many people know how to update their skills and their abilities and be adaptable? How many are talented or creative enough to develop a highly specialized service or product that will keep them financially viable?
I hate to be a doomsdayer, but I really see dark days ahead for a large portion of the American public. Maybe it will be good thing as America will be forced into acting more like the meritocracy it has always claimed to be, finally searching out the most talented people for positions instead of nepotism, the good old boy network, and other bad business practices that have repeatedly put unqualified people in positions of power...like the head of FEMA for instance. Maybe this is why our military is so out of control...maybe the only way for America to keep the party going for much longer is to continue looting and robbing the rest of the world and acting like some kind of global mafia forcing the world to pay "protection" money so that we can keep the cess pool swirling a little longer...
I hate to say it, but it looks like 1:45 a.m and the bar is closing, and everyone is starting to look a whole lot worse as the lights are coming up...
-mr. wilson
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Seeking a License to Live
A friend of my recently sent me a link to this article about the relevance of Malcolm X's sexuality to his legacy...
The author, Bruce Perry, that wrote the Malcolm biography that all of the controversy stems from is a fairly reputable scholar. Of course Perry seems most interested in putting forth a psychological profile of Malcolm, and so his bio focused primarily on Malcolm's early years (when psyches are most powerfully shaped). It does appear that Perry was most concerned with uncovering childhood traumas and speculating on how those traumas impacted his later public life. It is left to the reader to determine how objective and discerning Perry was in the interviews he conducted for his book.. I tend to believe there is some veracity to Perry's account, but you don't need to turn to Perry to see evidence that Malcolm had at the least, less sexual inhibitions than most of his contemporaries. Even in Malcolm's own autobiography, Malcolm recounts stories of when he was an addict, being involved in some rather illicit behavior with "fetish" clients.
Now whether Malcolm was drawn into this world due to fighting the throes of drug addiction or using his addiction as an excuse to act out his own latent fantasies (that he had been acting out for years according to Perry's book) is not of much consequence to me. Those who feel a need to protect Malcolm's legacy from his alleged past are reflecting their own attitudes, not only about sexuality, but about morality on brother Malcolm. Malcolm was a pimp, a numbers runner, and a junkie before going to prison and joining the Nation of Islam (NOI). Once ostracized from the NOI he continued to develop in his faith and morality, putting down the hate mongering rhetoric that had promoted him to the most visible minister under Elijah Muhammed. Most people use Malcolm's life arc from common criminal, to pedagogue, to true spiritual leader and humanitarian as a shining example of growth and development of the human spirit in love and compassion as it seeks out truth. So my question is, even if one feels that homosexual behavior is wrong (or at the least believes homosexual behavior is not becoming a leader such as Malcolm), why do they feel like this part of Malcolm's history would mar his entire legacy if all of this occurred in the same years as his criminal youth? Is it because our own homophobic society feels that homosexuality is not only a sin, but an unforgivable one? If this is the case how is consensual sex between any two individuals less forgivable, than exploiting one's financially hobbled community with a numbers racket, or exploiting another person as a sexual object. Why would it not magnify his luminosity if it could be demonstrated that he overcame his 'sexual pathologies' just as he overcame other social pathologies like drug addiction and hate? My gut feeling is that most mainstream attitudes are informed by the personal experience that "we can run from, but we cannot hide from what we desire sexually." You might not act on those desires, but they are always there and too visceral to be tamed by reading, fellowship, and natural maturation. How ironic, that some would believe in Malcolm's ability to exorcise the demons of drug addiction, ignorance, hate, and materialism, but we don't really believe he could have changed his internal world? But in this accusation lies the confirmation that we believe in the the immutability of one's sexuality. So aren't we also admitting that the feelings and internal reality of homosexuality are not a conscious choice, even if one has unlimited control over how to deal with those feelings?
No matter how much one deems homosexuality as unnatural, it seems to me one must either assume that Malcolm transcended and overcame, or made the best set of possible choices given what he could never hope to change? So the question remains, why fight so vehemently to protect Malcolm's legacy from these allegations?
On the other hand, those who jump to believe any conjecture about the extent of Malcolm's homosexuality are still seeking the approval of a hostile society. At one level, I understand the need to try to change the opinions of society at large thus increasing one's freedom within that society. (Even as a heterosexual man, I find the limitations imposed on me by a society that is hostile towards not only homosexuality, but anything it deems associated with homosexuality to be a superfluous constraint on my own self-fulfillment. One is constantly made aware of the "witch hunt" mentality, even those who are best qualafied to hunt out a concealed sexual identity are persons who have experience in concealing their own identity, but I digress.) But I don't know if trying to use Malcolm's actions as some kind of proof of the legitimacy of all sexualities makes a lot of sense. Brother Malcolm stood up for black people, poor people, and ultimately stood up for the human race, but he never expressly stood up for sexual liberation, that I know of. If Malcolm was indeed homosexual, his failure to disclose this fact demonstrates an attitude of shame or at the least indifference, which doesn't make him a role model for self acceptance or even embracing diversity. If he had meant to fight that battle for the liberation of sexuality, most certainly he had the courage to fight that fight. So my strongest thought about those who seek to "de-mystify" the sexuality of Malcolm is they are still trying to convince themselves of the rightness of their own actions or attitudes. They still do not trust in their own indwelling sense of determining what is right and true for the spirit that lies within. This is not unlike when black people used to have that argument over whether Beethoven was black. History does suggest that Beethoven had some ancestors who migrated from North Africa, via Spain, but the racial make up of these ancestors was most likely Arabic, not the presumed native Nubian. But what does it say about my own talent and ability and worth if Beethoven was or was not black? If I trust in the unique and intrinsic worth of my own life I will not seek out other people with similar races, sexualities, or any other arbitrary personal quality to validate my own worth, goodness, or correctness. Using Malcolm's stature as one of the greatest men of the twentieth century to justify one's own choices is about as mature as using Bill Clinton history of marijuana use or George Bush's history of cocaine use as justification for one's own use of drugs. If I really trust in the legitimacy of my feelings/actions I am completely indifferent to the choices others have made in the same regard. My only concern is with trusting my own experience and understanding the repercussions of my choices.
Of course this is a path that requires constant improvement because few of us can say we truly defer to no one. As I write this...I am wondering what some of you will say in response...?
mr. wilson
The author, Bruce Perry, that wrote the Malcolm biography that all of the controversy stems from is a fairly reputable scholar. Of course Perry seems most interested in putting forth a psychological profile of Malcolm, and so his bio focused primarily on Malcolm's early years (when psyches are most powerfully shaped). It does appear that Perry was most concerned with uncovering childhood traumas and speculating on how those traumas impacted his later public life. It is left to the reader to determine how objective and discerning Perry was in the interviews he conducted for his book.. I tend to believe there is some veracity to Perry's account, but you don't need to turn to Perry to see evidence that Malcolm had at the least, less sexual inhibitions than most of his contemporaries. Even in Malcolm's own autobiography, Malcolm recounts stories of when he was an addict, being involved in some rather illicit behavior with "fetish" clients.
Now whether Malcolm was drawn into this world due to fighting the throes of drug addiction or using his addiction as an excuse to act out his own latent fantasies (that he had been acting out for years according to Perry's book) is not of much consequence to me. Those who feel a need to protect Malcolm's legacy from his alleged past are reflecting their own attitudes, not only about sexuality, but about morality on brother Malcolm. Malcolm was a pimp, a numbers runner, and a junkie before going to prison and joining the Nation of Islam (NOI). Once ostracized from the NOI he continued to develop in his faith and morality, putting down the hate mongering rhetoric that had promoted him to the most visible minister under Elijah Muhammed. Most people use Malcolm's life arc from common criminal, to pedagogue, to true spiritual leader and humanitarian as a shining example of growth and development of the human spirit in love and compassion as it seeks out truth. So my question is, even if one feels that homosexual behavior is wrong (or at the least believes homosexual behavior is not becoming a leader such as Malcolm), why do they feel like this part of Malcolm's history would mar his entire legacy if all of this occurred in the same years as his criminal youth? Is it because our own homophobic society feels that homosexuality is not only a sin, but an unforgivable one? If this is the case how is consensual sex between any two individuals less forgivable, than exploiting one's financially hobbled community with a numbers racket, or exploiting another person as a sexual object. Why would it not magnify his luminosity if it could be demonstrated that he overcame his 'sexual pathologies' just as he overcame other social pathologies like drug addiction and hate? My gut feeling is that most mainstream attitudes are informed by the personal experience that "we can run from, but we cannot hide from what we desire sexually." You might not act on those desires, but they are always there and too visceral to be tamed by reading, fellowship, and natural maturation. How ironic, that some would believe in Malcolm's ability to exorcise the demons of drug addiction, ignorance, hate, and materialism, but we don't really believe he could have changed his internal world? But in this accusation lies the confirmation that we believe in the the immutability of one's sexuality. So aren't we also admitting that the feelings and internal reality of homosexuality are not a conscious choice, even if one has unlimited control over how to deal with those feelings?
No matter how much one deems homosexuality as unnatural, it seems to me one must either assume that Malcolm transcended and overcame, or made the best set of possible choices given what he could never hope to change? So the question remains, why fight so vehemently to protect Malcolm's legacy from these allegations?
On the other hand, those who jump to believe any conjecture about the extent of Malcolm's homosexuality are still seeking the approval of a hostile society. At one level, I understand the need to try to change the opinions of society at large thus increasing one's freedom within that society. (Even as a heterosexual man, I find the limitations imposed on me by a society that is hostile towards not only homosexuality, but anything it deems associated with homosexuality to be a superfluous constraint on my own self-fulfillment. One is constantly made aware of the "witch hunt" mentality, even those who are best qualafied to hunt out a concealed sexual identity are persons who have experience in concealing their own identity, but I digress.) But I don't know if trying to use Malcolm's actions as some kind of proof of the legitimacy of all sexualities makes a lot of sense. Brother Malcolm stood up for black people, poor people, and ultimately stood up for the human race, but he never expressly stood up for sexual liberation, that I know of. If Malcolm was indeed homosexual, his failure to disclose this fact demonstrates an attitude of shame or at the least indifference, which doesn't make him a role model for self acceptance or even embracing diversity. If he had meant to fight that battle for the liberation of sexuality, most certainly he had the courage to fight that fight. So my strongest thought about those who seek to "de-mystify" the sexuality of Malcolm is they are still trying to convince themselves of the rightness of their own actions or attitudes. They still do not trust in their own indwelling sense of determining what is right and true for the spirit that lies within. This is not unlike when black people used to have that argument over whether Beethoven was black. History does suggest that Beethoven had some ancestors who migrated from North Africa, via Spain, but the racial make up of these ancestors was most likely Arabic, not the presumed native Nubian. But what does it say about my own talent and ability and worth if Beethoven was or was not black? If I trust in the unique and intrinsic worth of my own life I will not seek out other people with similar races, sexualities, or any other arbitrary personal quality to validate my own worth, goodness, or correctness. Using Malcolm's stature as one of the greatest men of the twentieth century to justify one's own choices is about as mature as using Bill Clinton history of marijuana use or George Bush's history of cocaine use as justification for one's own use of drugs. If I really trust in the legitimacy of my feelings/actions I am completely indifferent to the choices others have made in the same regard. My only concern is with trusting my own experience and understanding the repercussions of my choices.
Of course this is a path that requires constant improvement because few of us can say we truly defer to no one. As I write this...I am wondering what some of you will say in response...?
mr. wilson
Thursday, May 19, 2005
That Was a Good Day
My first attempt at loading a photo. This was taken at Mammoth Mountain, CA this past March when my brother and my roomates (Joel on the far left, Jay middle left) rolled up to Bad Boy 2005 with me playing host. We are standing at the top of Chair 5. Feel free to spread my ashes here when my time comes.
I will try to post more photos of my adventures here and also include pictures of anyone I name drop...My digital camera has been out of commission for a while so don't expect a whole lot of visuals...
Monday, May 16, 2005
All Dogs Go To Heaven
Have you ever seen a dog that has been beaten, abused, and doesn't even appear to have any fight left in him? Watching his body language (drooped neck, darting firefly eyes) is like watching a living history of its experiences, a history written in how its movements and idiosyncrasies differ from a healthier animal. No matter how far you take that dog away from the abuse, that dog remains skittish and hesitant for the remainder of its life. Written in its gait will always be a powerful reminder that it can never forget. The dog might even get a new master that loves it and protects it and makes sure it never has to be fearful again, but that dog will always wear its past like a tattoo (© Sade, 1992).
I don't think humans ever forget either. Some of us are all too aware of what our tattoos say about us, but we are very adept at hiding them from others and ourselves. After all, few people want to rescue a hurt soul (especially when they are hurting so much that they too want to be rescued) so we cover the wounds as best we can. As adults, we get to create our identity, and in creating our image, we can try to fool the world about our past...about what is still raging inside of us. But no matter how good we get at walking the walk and talking the talk, our hearts and souls still remember every detail of our past. Our histories inform our inner experience even if we completely transform the outer appearance. We may not consciously remember all of our experiences, but its obvious to me that they are documented succinctly in the way we seek love, make choices, search for joy, and parry fear. (I have observed in myself how much time I have spent trying to develop attributes within, that I was really seeking out in other people. I know this is completely ass backwards, but there is a very logical reason for this behavior: knowing what it is I truly desire in my companions, I have always assumed that there would be other like-minded folks who are seeking the same things that I am seeking. I could live vicariously through their experiencing what it is that I always wanted, yet was too fearful or pessimistic to think i could ask for and receive.)
No one blames the dog for being the way that it is when it gets older. We can instantly empathize with the dog. Even if the dog gets vicious and hostile when cornered, we might be scared of the dog, but we can still understand that the dog is reacting to its past, its history, and its training. But for some reason we expect humans to turn eighteen and instantly start transcending their entire past, history and training. Any poor decisions or unhealthy behavior made as an adult is completely the responsibility of the adult, and rarely do we take that person's past, history and training into account. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that everyone needs a free pass. After all, if a dog becomes too dangerous we put it down, and in much the same way we have a penal system that is supposed to discourage acting out any kind of way. But in the realm of legal behavior, there is still so much that we as a society remain hostile towards. We remain hostile towards the promiscuous woman who offers her own weak form of love in a desperate attempt to feel loved. She is a whore, or a tramp, or a slut. We remain hostile towards the drug user (maybe a crime depending on the drug of choice and the location of the user) who seeks to escape the oppression of this own internal reality. We remain hostile towards just about everyone who has a past that is painful to the point of being unmanageable. I guess we are all so busy just barely trying to manage our own bullshit, that we are already up to our eyeballs in it, and cannot stand another ounce of it...kind of how nobody seems to mind their own vintage of flatulence, but are disgusted if they have to suffer through someone else’s stink.
Still it seems sad that we tell ourselves that all dogs go to heaven, but we never seem to really believe in our own innocence and goodness before the internal abstraction we call God.
mr. wilson
I don't think humans ever forget either. Some of us are all too aware of what our tattoos say about us, but we are very adept at hiding them from others and ourselves. After all, few people want to rescue a hurt soul (especially when they are hurting so much that they too want to be rescued) so we cover the wounds as best we can. As adults, we get to create our identity, and in creating our image, we can try to fool the world about our past...about what is still raging inside of us. But no matter how good we get at walking the walk and talking the talk, our hearts and souls still remember every detail of our past. Our histories inform our inner experience even if we completely transform the outer appearance. We may not consciously remember all of our experiences, but its obvious to me that they are documented succinctly in the way we seek love, make choices, search for joy, and parry fear. (I have observed in myself how much time I have spent trying to develop attributes within, that I was really seeking out in other people. I know this is completely ass backwards, but there is a very logical reason for this behavior: knowing what it is I truly desire in my companions, I have always assumed that there would be other like-minded folks who are seeking the same things that I am seeking. I could live vicariously through their experiencing what it is that I always wanted, yet was too fearful or pessimistic to think i could ask for and receive.)
No one blames the dog for being the way that it is when it gets older. We can instantly empathize with the dog. Even if the dog gets vicious and hostile when cornered, we might be scared of the dog, but we can still understand that the dog is reacting to its past, its history, and its training. But for some reason we expect humans to turn eighteen and instantly start transcending their entire past, history and training. Any poor decisions or unhealthy behavior made as an adult is completely the responsibility of the adult, and rarely do we take that person's past, history and training into account. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that everyone needs a free pass. After all, if a dog becomes too dangerous we put it down, and in much the same way we have a penal system that is supposed to discourage acting out any kind of way. But in the realm of legal behavior, there is still so much that we as a society remain hostile towards. We remain hostile towards the promiscuous woman who offers her own weak form of love in a desperate attempt to feel loved. She is a whore, or a tramp, or a slut. We remain hostile towards the drug user (maybe a crime depending on the drug of choice and the location of the user) who seeks to escape the oppression of this own internal reality. We remain hostile towards just about everyone who has a past that is painful to the point of being unmanageable. I guess we are all so busy just barely trying to manage our own bullshit, that we are already up to our eyeballs in it, and cannot stand another ounce of it...kind of how nobody seems to mind their own vintage of flatulence, but are disgusted if they have to suffer through someone else’s stink.
Still it seems sad that we tell ourselves that all dogs go to heaven, but we never seem to really believe in our own innocence and goodness before the internal abstraction we call God.
mr. wilson
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